Where Do I Go From Here?

I've had multiple, unrelated instances in the past week where people have said to me: "2011 is going to be your year. I can just feel it!" I'd respond by either blushing or laughing that big hearty surprised laugh like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman when Richard Gere snaps the jewelry box on her fingers. I react this way partly because I don't want to believe it to better avoid disappointment when it doesn't happen... but isn't that setting the deck up against myself before the year's even begun?

Because you know what? I feel it too. There's a change in the air. And I think that's why I was mostly sad on New Year's Eve. It felt like the time you finally take your stuffed animals off your bed because you know you're a big girl now (which I eventually did... at 27 *ahem*). Or like a kid who knows there is no Santa Claus, but still watches her friends' faces light up as they put out the milk and cookies.

For me, it's not so much about growing up, as it is about growing in. Finally being ready to grow into who I am truly meant to be. And that's scary, and sad, and exciting, all at the same time.

Whereas, if I had to give it a theme, I'd say 2010 was about Travel and Discovery, I think 2011 will be the year of Growth and Adventure.

So without further ado, just a few things I would like to see happen in 2011.

- Get out of credit card debt: it was a goal I was "hoping" to get around to last year, but hoping really isn't worth a damn without action. As of December 1st, I began tracking every. single. expense. To see where my money has been going and how to stay on track. I was inspired after watching a marathon viewing of Til Debt Do Us Partwith Gail Vaz-Oxlade. When it comes to money, I really love to have blinders on, to believe that everything will just "work out" on its own. Oh yeah, sure it will, in about 21 years if I stopped using my credit card and made only the required minimum payments. And for what? A couple dinners and some train tickets? No thank you!

So, I've been making changes. And if you would like to help me accomplish this goal, please let your friends know that my condo is still currently up for rent.

- Run a 10K Race & start prepping for a Try a Tri: I did 5 last year and I am almost ready for a 10. A challenge that I would like to take on now is swimming, since both my place and my gym in Toronto have a pool.

- Get into fighting shape: Actors have to put down height and weight on their resumes. Since everybody's weight always fluctuates, it's the only area where it's ok to fudge the info a little. I am currently waaaaaaay off. The thing is, I carry the extra weight really well. So well, that if you tried to guess my weight, to my agent's relief I'm sure, you would be wrong and probably much closer to what I put down on my resume. But that doesn't mean I like it. And just like getting out of debt and running a race, getting into shape requires a plan. Fortunately, thanks to an awesome gym rat friend, I've got a step-by-step guide to get me back down to resume weight, including things to do every single day. For my Roller Derby show, I want to wear a midriff top and when I do, there WILL be Visible Abdominal Definition! (or VAD for short)

- Work more in French: it's my mother tongue and I have never performed in a professional play or film in French (industrials don't count). I also want to get the rest of my UdA credits in order to be a full member of all three performer unions in Canada.

- Work in front of the cameras: As much as I enjoy doing stand-in work, and as much as am I happy to have done a lot of industrial/promotional videos, now I want to do stories. TV or film, it doesn't matter, I just want to be in front of the cameras telling a good story.

- Keep traveling: Last year, I wrote: "Is it weird that I actually love living out of my suitcase and sleeping on other people’s couches?" Not that there's anything wrong with people's couches, nor their generosity in letting me stay at their house, but how about a few hotel rooms here and there?

- Keep learning: this one never changes.

Though there are lots of other things that I would like to do and accomplish during the year, this is all I'm going to be putting down for now. There's a few things I'm just not ready to share yet since I'm still waiting to hear back from a few potential projects.

So there you have it, my goals for 2011. Now, if you'll excuse me, after wasting away the first two days of the year in my very comfortable bed, it's time for me to get back into gear. First stop, the gym and then the grocery store. But while I'm gone, feel free to let me know what your goals for the year might be!

Reflections on 2010

2010 has come and gone and here I am alone in my condo reflecting on the time that has gone by with the Simpsons/Family Guy marathon that seems to be continuously  on Global on Saturday afternoons playing in the background. January 2010 was a pretty dark time for me. After months of no work, I was starting a new job at the Great Canadian Theatre Company and feeling completely overwhelmed by it all. My finances were a mess, my heart was broken, I was experiencing panic attacks... I was feeling utterly and completely lost.

And then someone very special walked into my life. Our time together was brief, but also incredibly illuminating. His lust for life was contagious and, as he disappeared back into whatever magic vortex he came from, he left me with a very simple: "Hey, life is awesome."

I'm very grateful to this person because my entire attitude changed after our encounter and every risk, every move, every dream I've dared to pursue to its fullest this past year can be directly traced back to the impact he had on me.

After that, things began to change almost immediately and 2010 was a very good year.

I had more professional acting gigs than ever before. It started out with this fun little number: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBDXhhuEfDA&feature=related]

There was not one, but two jobs as a stand-in where I got to work alongside people like Adam Beach, Elisabeth Shue and Jennifer Lawrence; a school tour with A Company of Fools (which I may very well be reprising in 2011) that lead to a one-off in Montreal and at the Lumiere Festival; a seven or eight week contract in Morrisburg at the Upper Canada Playhouse and a Fringe Festival run in Ottawa and Calgary; a workshop for Evolution Theatre's Little Martyrs as well as a reading of We Won't Pay! We Won't Pay! for our five year anniversary party; a voice-over contract in French for a birth control website; and a bilingual gig at the Upper Canada Village.

All of this led to accomplishing two of my goals for the year: I became a full union member of ACTRA and CAEA (and got a few more credits towards my full UdA status) and found an agent to represent me in the Toronto market.

And if you're looking at that pseudo goal list I created at this time last year, my laptop died and I moved myself into the wonderful world of the MacBook Pro. I didn't schedule time to write, but I did finish a first draft of my Roller Derby script. I completed a 5K Race and I'm now working towards being able to run a 10K. I took a bunch of incredible acting classes in order to keep training with more consistency and, as many of you know, I traveled a whole heck of a lot.

As for my marketing work, I was at the GCTC where, among other things, I implemented a social media marketing policy and gave my first workshop on the subject to the staff. Since they're still going strong in this area now that I'm gone, I'd like to think I did pretty alright there. After giving a presentation under the banner Art as Business, Business as Art - my chosen topic being Branding the Artist - during the Ottawa Fringe Festival's brilliant Lunchtime Artist Series Ignite the Fringe event, I was approached by Odyssey Theatre to help them with their marketing and promotions for They All Do It. (Oh and I learned that I probably influenced at least one new blogger in town.) And I also ran a pretty successful publicity campaign for 'I', which took place at The Gladstone in November.

As I briefly mentioned above, my theatre company, Evolution Theatre, after a year of workshopping new shows, celebrated its five year anniversary, became a resident company of Arts Court and announced the two shows we will be producing in February and May of 2011 (which will be a whole other post in the ver near future).

And though I can't beat this guy, I saw over 75 stage productions - give or take a couple that I'm sure I'm forgetting.

Oh and I became an auntie and a godmother to the most adorable little boy in the world.

It wasn't all sunshine and lollipops though: my grandparents passed away; I kissed a lot of frogs, but didn't find any real princes; I got sick, tired and depressed more often than I cared for; I never knew where I would be sleeping next or how I might be able to pay for my next meal; and, sadly, until I've figured out a more permanent home for myself, I've had to leave my cat, Winston, with someone else.

But Winston is being well taken cared of, my life feels like an incredible adventure, I've discovered that I have wonderful and generous friends, and there was making out. All in all, 2010 was pretty gosh-darn amazing!

I can't wait to see what's going to happen in 2011.

Ego

Yesterday was my last acting class of the month.  I did good work in that class.  But when the scene was over and I was asked by the instructor how it went, my ego took over.  The ego can go one of two ways: it can pump you up to irrational heights or, as in my case, it can beat you down to new lows. The ego tries to keep us safe.  In my case, by telling me I am a shitty actor, it's trying to make it easier on me to get a "regular job" and move back home.  You know, because if I'm not any good at this, then OF COURSE I should give it up.

So what do you do in this situation when that little voice inside your head just wants you to run away?

You do the opposite.  You do the thing that's scarier.  In my case, stand my ground.  Never give up, never surrender.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI5hi4c4y9k]

Stamina

I'm exhausted.  I had a particularly difficult acting class tonight.  In the scene, I confront the woman I suspect is having an affair with my fiancé who just postponed the wedding earlier that night.  It was emotional and physically draining and at the end of it all I felt like had climbed a mountain or run a particularly gruelling race.  And it made me realize how much I've neglected my workout routine. Basically, I didn't have the stamina and my body was collapsing on me.

With all the travelling, the move, the weird hours and overnight shoots, I haven't been very good to myself.  A lack of physical activity, bad eating habits, and inadequate hydration have lead to one sluggish Nancy.  It's hard to get into a routine when your life revolves around uncertainty, but as actors, we really need to take proper care of our instrument. It's not like a guitar or a paintbrush where if one breaks you could always get a new one.

So, I need to go to sleep now.  Plenty of rest and water so I can get up at a decent hour.  There's lots of work to be done.

Back in O-Town

Work was pretty awesome.  Late Thursday night, I arrive in Morrisburg.  I was booked into a room at a cozy little motel in the middle of nowhere that, in the middle of the night, would serve as a beautiful setting for some kind of slasher flick.  I mean that in a positive way.  I was pretty stoked to be put up somewhere for work. The day turned out to be pretty gorgeous.  I got wardrobe/hair/makeup done, which is always fun, chatted with some fellow actors, worked on my lines, and basically waited around until they needed me.

At some point next summer, you'll be able to see the fruits of my labour at the Upper Canada Village when they open a new discovery centre for the visitors.

I got a ride back to Ottawa, settled in and got to work on an audition piece for the next day.  It was for a feature film. I think it went well, but who knows, really, with those things?

I got to see some friends, checked out the sweet Rachel McAdams movie, and even did some work for both 'I' (which opens at The Gladstone this week - I saw a rehearsal today and, folks, I'm telling you, this is going to be a good show! You need to check it out!) and for Evolution Theatre (big announcements coming real soon!)

Now, it's the middle of the night.  I'm sitting in a living room that is not my own and grateful for the generosity of my friends.  I'd be lying if I said that in these quiet moments the doubts don't come flowing in, but I try and breathe and let it all go.  I thought I might have had a shot at some additional work while I was here in Ottawa, but it doesn't look like it's going to work out.  I'll be back in Toronto soon enough.  That city just isn't done with me yet.

Week Two - Electric Boogaloo

Well, it's been two weeks now in Toronto and things are better. I started acting classes again.  I can't tell you the immense relief I felt when I walked into that room.  Not only that, I get to work on a scene from one of my very favourite plays: Spike Heels by Theresa Rebeck.

The Toronto Sketch Comedy Festival was also underway.  It gave me a chance to re-connect with a whole bunch of old friends from around the Fringe: Jayson McDonald & Fully Insured from London (ON), Connor & Devon from Dale Beaner & the Turtle Boy and, of course, those cuties from the Peter n Chris Show.

And I even made an awesome sketch discovery.  They're called Haircut.  Just try and tell me you don't love this:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=br6ZSqxdoFE]

They have a show running bi-monthly on Fridays now at Bread and Circus.  I would be checking it out, except, well this thing happened:

*cue Law & Order Doink Doink SFX*

Tuesday, November 9 - Find out I booked a gig I never auditioned for. Probably because I'm cute and bilingual (oh and because I have an awesome agent and an agency that is celebrating 25 years in the business.  That's important too.)  The shoot will be taking place at Upper Canada Village.  I send my measurements in and learn that I will be shooting on either Friday, Saturday, or Sunday in Morrisburg.

*cue another Law & Order Doink Doink SFX*

Wednesday, November 10 - I have to be on set at 7:30 a.m. on Friday.

Whoa. So I guess I'm heading back to Ottawa tomorrow.  See you on flip side!

It's Been A Week...

One official week of residency in the Big Smoke and I am sick.  Literally.  I arrived last Monday and was the proud recipient of a four or five day cold and a massive allergic reaction (to what, I do not know - though my hypothesis thinks it may have had something to do with the election results) that presented itself in the form of a rash over most of my body.  I've spent the last four days recuperating and trying to get somewhat active again after hiding out in the apartment. To be fair, though, it hasn't been all bad.

After a late evening on set Sunday night, I got back to my temporary residence in Ottawa to pack.  I had to be up at 3:30 a.m. to catch a bus at 4:30 to reach a train that would be leaving at 5:45.  Why so early?  Because I had a commercial audition waiting for me in Toronto that morning.

Exciting, I know! And of course, I barely slept for fear of missing out on my alarm.  And though I dozed on the train, I also did some work, because, you know, that's what I do.  I picked up a publicist gig for 'I' - a show that will be up at The Gladstone in Ottawa as of November 18th - and so I was busy with that.  (I'm pretty excited about this piece and the people involved.  More on that in another blog post, but here's a link to the main website to tide you over.)

The audition went well and, after a quick shower, I headed to my creative coaching workshop with Barbara Deutsch. I've talked about her here before.  I always feel amazing when I leave her workshop; inspired and ready to work.  But this time, things with me felt different.

You know, I have a tendency to do too much. (A collective "no shit" is suddenly heard across the horizon.)  So, it was decided that I should just relax, maybe pick up a hobby instead of working all the time.  It would be easy in Toronto since I don't know as many people or know where/when things are happening (yet).  I'm doing everything right when it comes to my acting career, but all this pushing I keep doing to move forward really isn't helping.  It's like paddling against the current.  A draining and pointless labour.

Not only did I realized I had to stop, but I got sick enough that I was forced to do so.

And it's been haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard!

I don't like this feeling.  Not doing anything makes me feel... useless. I so intrinsically identify myself with what I am "doing" that I have no idea who I am when I'm not. Needless to say, I got bored.  Then I got depressed.  Is this what workaholism is all about?  I guess so.  I'm like an addict going through some sort of detox and craving a fix.  I worked on a press release, sent out some emails, updated my marketing resume and applied for a job today just so I didn't feel like a waste of space.  How fucked is that?

The sickness is slowly going away now.  I know it's all related with my move.  Change and the unknown magnifying my own fears.  No matter how great the place I'm living in currently is (and trust me, it's super sweet and safe and comforting), I miss my home, my cat, my old life.  But I want more.  And growing pains will come with that.  I just need to breathe through the panic and stay the course.

Brushing Up Against Slings & Arrows

Last Sunday, I did background work for what I hope will be a future CBC Pilot.  I won't name the show unless it gets picked up (because names could change, ect.), but I will say that it was written by Bob Martin & directed by Don McKellar, the killer team that brought you The Drowsy Chaperone. The scenes we were shooting that day also included Jen Irwin & Martha Burns.  For those of you keeping track at home, I had a veritable Slings and Arrows reunion on my hands and I was geeking out hard-core. Now, if you are in any way involved with the theatre and you do not know what Slings and Arrows is, please stop reading this right now and go flog yourself for a few dozen lashes before renting/buying/stealing a copy of the 3 Season boxed set.  Don't come back until you've watched all 18 episodes.  Go ahead.  I'll wait.

For the rest of you, I'm sure you can understand my thrill when I said hello to Mrs. Paul Gross and, not only did she speak to me, but she also introduced me to Bob Martin.  It was very very cool.

And then, it got even cooler:

It was a small day for extras.  There were only 5 of us in a little office scene.  Early on, I got asked to sit in the adjoining office next to Martha Burns'.  My back is to the camera but you can probably assume I'm some coworker or lowly underling or something like that.  That's it.  That's all I did all day... until the very last hour of shooting.  The other background performers were getting wrapped, but I was asked to change my clothes (different day in the chronology of the show) and stick around.  On the reverse angle of the shot I would be standing with Martha Burns at her desk, taking notes when Bob Martin's character rushes in, says a few things and runs out.  Mrs. Burns joked that I was probably her receptionist.

So, let me get this straight, I'm prominently featured in a scene for a potential CBC Pilot?

*Record scratch*

Here's the deal - I have no issue with doing background work.  It's good money and, thanks to my union, some of it gets put aside in an RRSP account.  However, when I do it, I try to pretty much stay, for lack of a better word, in the background.  There's always this worry that people will only see you as movable furniture and nothing else.  But, there's also always a possibility that a background performer might be upgraded on set.  I've seen it happen first hand.  I don't count on it when I get to work on set, but the hope is always there.

What happened to me on set did not count as an upgrade... at least, I don't think it did.  That said, after the wrap announcement, Mr. Martin shook my hand and thanked me for my work.  And then Don McKellar approached me to do the same adding a little: "if this show gets picked up you may have gotten yourself a little part there."

*Record scratch*

Say what?

Now, don't go cheering and jumping up and down for me just yet.  It was awesome to hear him say that and totally made my night, but this is a fickle business where a million and one things that I have absolutely no control over could come in and jinx it all.

Then again, you just never know.

Ch-ch-ch-changes (Part Deux)

The last time I had a major change in my life was almost two years ago when I left full-time employment for the life of an artist. (You can read more on that here) This past week, I finally took the plunge: rented out my condo, packed up my stuff, relocated my cat and headed out to the Big Smoke.  And you know what?  It was fucking hard.  As much as I wish I could be noble and say how much I enjoy riding the wave of uncertainty (and don't get me wrong, a part of me does), I hate change.  With all the insecurity that comes with this chosen profession, I liked knowing that certain things were mine and I could come home to them.  Now, I don't have any of that.  Heck, I don't even have the certainty of living out of my suitcase either because it broke on me.

Since I own a one-bedroom condo and was leaving it furnished and equipped for the person coming in, I thought packing would be a breeze and didn't ask for any help.  This was a big mistake.  I was already incredibly emotional about the whole process and it turns out I've got way more stuff than I thought I did.  I mean, let's be honest.  I didn't ask for help, or turned some of it down because moving is an absolute pain in the ass.  How many times have you had a friend ask you to help them move and you conveniently found yourself busy that day?  I know I have.  But when I found myself up to my ears in boxes, crying over spilt cat food, all I really wanted was a friend with a clearer head to help me through this.

Then there was the issue with Winston.  By moving day, I still hadn't found a suitable, temporary abode for him.  Fortunately, I was saved at the 11th hour, but you can probably imagine the kind of stress I was under.

Until the end of November, at least, I'm going to be a vagabond of no real fixed address.  Though I'm hoping that most of that time will be spent in Toronto, who really knows?  After one week down there, I now find myself back in Ottawa for the next two... every time I think I'm out, someone pulls me back in.

Do I sound bitter?  Because I'm not.  I'm very lucky.  I've got great friends with comfortable beds for me to sleep in, Winston seems to be adjusting well to his new surroundings and I enjoy reading up on his adventures,  I've managed to technically finish a first draft of my Roller Derby script, I've got agents working for me, and I've got new headshots thanks to the fabulous Andrew Alexander.

Would you like to help me out in the support of my dreams? I'm not going to be afraid to ask anymore. Money is, of course, the biggest obstacle. Every little bit helps these days. I like eating, so if someone would like to take me out for a meal, I wouldn't say no. I can promise interesting conversation and insight into a crazy business.

I am also looking for sponsors/donors to help me finish my Roller Derby piece. I'll be writing a longer blog post about that very soon, but if you are interested please send me an email to nancyjkenny at yahoo dot com for more details.

Stuff, Stuff Everywhere

There's been interest in my ad to rent my condo. This means I have doubled my efforts to get the place spotless and move-in ready.  Part of me just wants to chuck everything and not worry about it anymore.  I've got a drawer filled with old or broken computer equipment.  What do I do with all these old computer games?  How about a bin filled with CDs I never listen to anymore?  What the F am I suppose to do with all that stuff???  Would someone even buy it? It seems like such a hassle to research, catalogue, price point and sell all this old stuff.  It's also more difficult when you don't have a camera.  Part of me wants to just chuck it all and not worry about it anymore.  But then the environmental and cheap parts of me (respectively) want me to do something about it.

There's also a crapload of papers everywhere.  Old receipts, bills, marketing & show ideas, books & magazines... What do I do with it all?  Again, I'd just like to find an industrial garbage bin and throw it all inside, but I don't think Revenue Canada would be happy about that.

And then there's clothes. I haven't worn this in a while, but you know, I might.  Dresses & business attire: of course I haven't worn any of that, I don't have a "real" job to go to.  Old coats & gym clothes... T-shirts from events I've participated in... What about a blazer that makes me look butch? I might have to play a part like that one day.

Sigh.

Anyone have any boxes I could use?  Anyone want to help me pack?

The Colour of Uncertainty - A Ramble

No one knows what happens next.  No one knows really where they will be 5 years from now, next year, next month, next week, tomorrow, 5 minutes from now...  But most people have something they can technically hold on to: a job, school, a partner...  something they can count on for next little while. I don't have any of that.

Class is done and I'm back in Ottawa.  For how long, I don't know. I've spent a long night on the bus and slept very little before going to do a short standardized patient gig.  But class was good.  Better than good.  I feel like I've grown as an artist, I feel better about upcoming auditions... you know, if there were any.  But I still have to be available for when there are...

I thought I would be working tonight, but the job got canceled. More uncertainty. More instability.

I've made a to do list.  I need money. And my iPhone back.  Sometimes I think obstacles get in the way because it's the Universe's way of asking: "Do you really want this? Do you? Are you suuuuuuuure? Ok, keep going then. And watch out for that tree."

Living the life you want can be hard. Many people won't support it or you.  You'll find yourself alone wondering why you can't just be happy doing what everyone else is doing.  You start to think you're crazy.  And you learn to make food out of variety of random things found in your cupboard, because eating fresh tonight is not a possibility.  It could be so easy to just settle into a full-time job.  So, so easy. I might do it again someday, who knows?

But you don't give up. You never give up. Because you want this so so very much. And you'd just hate yourself if you didn't try.

What's My Name Again?

I hate labels. The literal ones are often itchy and pop out inappropriately (kudos to the person who created washing instructions printed on the inside of the garment).  The figurative ones just make life so restricting.

I've never been good at using labels because as much as I like to think I love the safety and security of the box (especially when it comes with cushy pillows and pie... mmm pie), the truth is I just don't completely fit into one.

Take relationships: There's friends and acquaintances and various family members. Fine. But then, are we dating? Friends with benefits? Boyfriend/girlfriend? Lovers? Partners? Married? What do those things even mean anymore? Are you gay or straight? Do you fall somewhere in the middle?  What the heck do you call that? Can't we just love each other?

Why do I have to call it anything?

Take jobs: I'm an actor, marketer, writer, event planner, producer, grant writer, translator, fundraiser and a million other things all rolled into one.  Try to fit all that onto a business card.  (Though the versatile Susan Murphy once told me she uses the all-encompassing term of "wizard" which I think is absolutely brilliant even though I don't feel it applies to me.)

Even those can be broken down some more.  Marketing includes media relations, communications, promotions & publicity, social media... I've even gotten the question: "What kind of actor are you?" - Film or theatre? Comedy or drama? And for cryin' out loud even those can get more precise: Shakespeare & classical work, physical theatre, mask, clown & dance... where does stilt walking fit in to all that?

These days, it's where do you live now?  Ottawa or Toronto?

Do I have to answer that question? Well, no, I guess I don't have to, but the issue lies more in, again, I don't know how to. Why do I have to live in one place? Can't these cities be like divorced parents and I get to spend every second weekend and most holidays with one or the other?

It's a faulty metaphor, but I'm sure you get the idea.

Can't I just get a whackload of cash in order to have the ability to keep and travel between these two locations?  Yes, that would be the ideal.

Dear Universe, let's get on that, shall we?

Peace, love and gratitude.

..........................................

Oh and if someone has a legitimate answer to the business card question, I am all ears!

Take the Lead

A few weeks ago, when I was on set for the feature film House at the End of the Street, the sound guy told us a story about his time working on the Super Dave Osborne show.  A lot of it filmed outside Toronto and, along with the typical stunts, they would have a concert of some kind. On this particular day, Ray Charles was the musical guest.  He would be playing with a local house band and backup singers.

During the sound check, though decent, the band was not at its best.  However, that did not stop Ray Charles.  He picked up the tempo and coached them through it all in what the sound guy described as the most magical performance he had ever witness.  His only regret being that no one was rolling at the time.

*********************************************************

My point for this story?

Show of hands: How many times have you had an audition, a scene in class, or even a performance where you felt like the people you were working with weren't giving it their all?  How many times have you walked away thinking "I would have been so good if it hadn't been for that other guy/girl"?

How about if the next time sometime like that happens, instead of giving up and blaming the other person, you just work harder and raise them up to your level and go even higher together?  How about you don't wait for someone else to give you permission or do it for you?  How about you try and be a little more like Ray Charles?

How about if next time you take the lead?

Checking It Twice

It could have been a disaster.

My first gig in Toronto - voice over work - simple, little prep, only needed for two hours, maybe less  - 1:30 to 3:30 - easy!

It's almost 12:30 and I get a phone call from my agent.  I think it still has to do with the contract negotiations. It's doesn't.

"Are you ok? Where are you? Are you at the studio?"

No, of course not, I'm just leaving now.

It seems my recording time was from 11:30 to 1:30...  I curse.  A lot.  Then I apologize.  A lot.  I get a call on the other line.  It's the studio.

"So, how much time do you need to get here?"

I run into the kitchen where my current roommate is peeling potatoes.

CAN YOU DRIVE ME DOWNTOWN?

The potatoes become an afterthought as he grabs his keys.

I'll be there in about 30 minutes!

*************************************************

I get there.  It's all good.  There were two girls to see ahead of me so no harm no foul.  I'm reassured profusely that it's alright.

The recording goes incredibly well.  I'm thrilled.

But this situation?  Will not happen again!

Big City Vibe

The vibe for me in Toronto is so different than anything I have ever experienced.  I'm not talking about the city (which personally I find dirty & closed off), but what being in this city has done for me as an artist. I'm here taking classes with a wonderful teacher named Michèle Lonsdale Smith. She is primarily based in Vancouver, but she's been all over the place. I've studied with her, on and very much off, for the past four years whenever she came to Ottawa.

You see I've discovered a bad habit of mine. I take lots of classes, as many as I can afford, in a variety of theatrical practices. My preference is for weekend workshops. A little dabble here, a little dabble there... Are you beginning to see the problem?

I like to dip my toe in the water, I like to scratch the surface and be done with it. It's like going to the gym one day and not going back for six months (which reminds me...). How do you expect to get fit that way?

Acting is like that. It's a muscle, like any other, and if you don't use it, you will lose it.

After taking her weekend workshop (ahem!) in Ottawa this past August and with no projects on the horizon, it was with trepidation I applied to 3 week intensive in TO.  And I could not be happier.

My time in Toronto is completely dedicated to going to acting class, auditing acting class, and going to auditions.  I feel, for the first time in my life, like I am an artist.

A New Chapter

"You can't do this," the voice says.  "This is crazy. It's not safe. It can't possibly work out." I've had plenty of blog post topics running around in my head for the last few weeks, ranging from acting to marketing to random song lyrics, but I haven't written any of them because I have been avoiding writing this one.

After lots of back and forth and hemming and hawing, I finally made a decision - sort of.  I can't even seem to commit to it because my fear is so big.  I haven't even really told many people about it.

Tomorrow, I leave for Toronto.

Where's the Pause Button?

Can I just make it stop for a second?  Not forever, but just a little bit.  Just stop everything.  The bills, the responsibilities, the whole world, the unknown.  Can I just take a little break from it all and pretend it doesn't exist? On Friday, during a particularly long (yet rewarding) day on set where I got to be Elisabeth Shue's stand-in and, during scenes where she was on the phone, I got to read the other side of the conversation from off-camera.  (Where my thought process totally went "Who me? What? Oh yeah! I'm totally ready!" *Trip over a chair and drop my sides* followed by an onslaught of self-doubt and "OMG! I am giving the world's crappiest read! She must think I am such a shitty actor!" But of course, all of that happened in my head. Except for the tripping part.)  I got a nice thank you from the first assistant director after it was all done thanking me for stepping up to the plate.  It was very cool and almost made this stupid cold that suddenly took hold of me during the evening worth it.

Yeah, I got sick and I've pretty much been hiding in my apartment ever since, trying to get over it.  And you know what? I liked it.  I like hiding out at home, watching marathon sessions of Lost, snuggling under the covers with a box of Kleenex, a cup of tea and a giant furball named Winston.  It's cozy in here.  It's safe.  I don't want to go back out there and work, dammit!  I don't want to worry about bills or people or where my next meal is going to come from.  It's scary out there!  I don't know what I'll be doing after September 4th.

What a ridiculous statement.  Technically, I don't know what I'll be doing tomorrow or two hours from now.  I have a general idea, but you know life happens when you're making other plans...

So yeah, can I just stop it all right now? Just for a little bit?

No?

Ok.  Well, I guess I better get dressed then.

A Few of my Favourite Things

Was I really just in Calgary? I'm writing this on the bus, on my way to my first day on set for the feature film House at the End of the Street, and it all just feels like a blur. Especially after two days of catching up on Lost - Season 3 (What do you mean "We have to go back"?!?! - rhetorical question - please no spoilers!) But, it did happen, and it was wonderful!

The Calgary Fringe was just grand.  I don't think I know of a single performer who had any major complaints.  And catching up on my friend Amy's blog about her Saskatoon Fringe Adventures, I really don't feel like I'm missing out (no beer gardens or place for performers to hang out?  Tsk tsk, Saskatoon!)

My only issue with the entire Fringe didn't have anything to do with the  festival, but rather the neighbourhood it was located in: It was impossible to get any food after 11 pm.

That said, there were so many other amazing things, including really responsive patrons, wicked cool volunteers, a Fringe Festival app for your smartphone, two reviews for almost every performance, and an executive director that gives hugs instead of handshakes and, well, you can be sure that I already want to go back next year!

And if/when I do, here are a few things I want to remember for the future:

Best Coffee - Wildernest Dream Cafe - you get your coffee in an individualized French press with a little timer - the place also includes free WiFi

Best Food (Quality & Price) - Eat Eat - my personal fave is the homemade buffalo chicken burger - also includes free WiFi

Best Place to Hang Out: The Fringe Club - enjoy some late night cabaret performances at The Stroke! - oh and more free WiFi

Best Beer - Wild Rose Raspberry Ale - it gives the Apricot Wheat Beer in Ottawa a run for it's money

Best Bike/Running Path - all along the river near the festival site - go north instead of south

If you were in Calgary for the Festival, what are some of your favourite things?

Hoedown in Cowtown

The Last Goddamned Performance Piece has come to a close in Calgary.  We had some great houses throughout the run, as well as some amazing reviews in the Calgary Herald (four stars) and the Fast Forward (no star system there). My favourite pull quotes include:

Meuser and Kenny both delivered such strong, confident, funny performances - Stephen Hunt, Calgary Helrad

But nothing rings truer than the quiet moments in this play, showing fragmented scenes of a relationship so honest that it couldn’t be anything but. This is one to watch, and then watch again to see what you missed. - Richard Lam, Fast Forward

Heck, the Calgary Herald even added us to the list of Fringe shows to see along with Best in Fest Winner Gemma Wilcox (I can't seem to find the link to that one anymore, but it felt pretty sweet at the time).

We had good houses for most of the run, though I did feel shafted by TWO 3 p.m. weekday matinees.  We in fact closed on a 3 p.m. performance this past Friday with only 6 people in attendance, not a single one of which paid.  The show was still solid, it just would have been nicer to go out with a bang instead of a whimper.

I didn't have too much time to think about that though.  When I was away visiting family, my scene partner was "kind enough" to sign me up for the Fringe Club Burlesque night without my knowledge.

I'd never done burlesque before.  And from the show I got to see earlier in the week, I really did not see the difference between it and stripping, except that your nipples are covered.  If I won't do "a live sex show for $15 a ticket" what makes you think I would do that for free?

Fortunately, the lovely Cameryn Moore (of Phone Whore fame) came to my rescue.  She explained that burlesque is supposed to have a story and be titillating.  We paired up and she came up with a little "script" for us to perform to Missy Elliot's Fake Spender.  She was going to play the guy who's throwing his cash around and I was going to be the girl who is totally attracted to that, until I realize he doesn't have any money.

We had no time to prepare, but it was still pretty awesome!  So many people came to tell us how much they enjoyed it after.  Note to self: if that's what burlesque really is, maybe I should look into it some more.  I don't know if there were any pictures or video taken.  Someone please let me know if there were.

Today, I get to hang out and watch shows before the big closing party tonight.

Stay tuned for some more blog posts on Promoting Yourself at the Fringe & my list of the Top Ten Things I Loved About the Calgary Fringe!

So Ready for This

Just a quick update on my last post. I got the gig, I start on Tuesday.  And I get to stay in Calgary until the end of the Festival.

Sa-weet!