Just Open the Door

I just got back from a pretty amazing trip to Toronto. Seriously, it was better than I could have possibly imagined. And to think I almost didn't go. In December, I had taken a pretty incredible workshop with an equally incredible lady named Barbara Deutsch. I knew she was coming back to Toronto in February and I really wanted to be there. In addition, I had two TO agents interested in meeting with me who were just waiting until the day I was coming down to schedule an appointment. You'd think I would have just jumped on that right then and there, right?

Unfortunately, my finances are incredibly tight at the moment and I just didn't think I could do it or justify it. I was feeling pretty bad. I don't like not being able to do what I really want to be doing because I'm lacking something as silly as money so I was desperately looking for a way to make it happen. I could afford the workshop, but not the trip down... I searched for a ride, tried to find discounted fares, but nothing was working. And then about 3 days before the workshop was set to begin, it hit me: I've been collecting Via Rail points for the last ten years! I have enough points for approximately 6 trips to Toronto.

The relief I felt was immediate. And the weird thing was that as soon as I opened the door to Toronto, everything just came pouring in with ease: the workshop still had room, the agents promptly replied to my emails, friends came out of the woodwork to meet with me (more on that later!), and, best of all, I started getting auditions!

I can't even begin to tell you how well things have been going for me lately, even before this whole trip to TO (which I'm repeating again on Sunday). I'm happy with my job, my Ottawa agent, my acting career and the path it's on... and all of this started happening when I just shifted my perspective on things.

The Little Things

I've had a lot of auditions lately and they've all gone well. For some of them, I was even given callbacks or put on hold. However, there have been no solid bookings. Yesterday, I had a meeting with a Toronto agent. When I told her about this, she gave me one possible reason: "It's your hair."

Excuse me?

"It's very distracting."

For those of you who don't know, I had dyed my hair blond last summer and, though I had dyed it back in the fall, it's now grown into this awkward two-tone of dark and very light brown. You can kind of see it in the banner picture at the top of the page in which I'm wearing the green sweater. Except that that picture was taken in November and I've got over three months or growth to contend with.

Though I hate it and typically wear it up so that it's mostly brown, due to financial constraints I had been holding off on doing anything about my hair. I kept telling myself, "Well once I book a gig, then I'll go fix it up before the shoot." Never once did it even occur to me that this might actually be preventing me from getting work.

Theatre is different than film. You've got plenty of (well, enough) rehearsal time to make decisions on how to approach character looks. But filmmakers, especially for commercials and corporate videos, are working with a very limited time frame. You could have an audition today for something that is shooting tomorrow. They don't have time to imagine what you might look like with different hair or makeup, ect... Also, everything is now done in HD and there is no hiding anything. I don't know how many times I've seen close ups of Olympic athletes whose eyebrows I would like to go pluck.

In film, when you present yourself to these people, what you see is what you get. It is a business entirely based on looks and sometimes the little things do matter.

The agent told me that even if I didn't sign with her, she would highly recommend that I go get my hair done. For one thing, I would look more like my headshot and for another I would look more polished and professional. Like it or not, roots look messy and could give off the wrong first impression.

If anything, this at least means that I have justifiable reason for claiming getting my hair done as a tax deductible expense.

Coming soon - a recap of my adventures in Toronto (it's not over yet!) including a Tweetup with some awesome theatre ladies!

Enjoying Theatre on a Budget

It bothers me when actors tell me they don't go to the theatre. Excuse me? What? How can you not go to the theatre? How can you consider yourself an actor in this town and not know what the local companies are producing? Or who the key people involved are? Or who your competition might be? Often actors and crew go for drinks post-show, which then becomes a valuable opportunity to network, socialize and find out what the next big project coming to town might be.

"But Nancy, going to the theatre is expensive!" I hear you clamour. "Ah! But it does not have to be," is my reply.

As many of you know, I see almost every bit of theatre that comes to Ottawa. Out of 45 professional productions juried by Les Prix Rideau Awards in 2009, I've seen 40. that's not including the community theatre, Fringe, Magnetic North and student productions I've seen. I think last year I probably saw over 100 theatre performances. That averages out to 2 a week, which sounds about right.

This may come as a shock to you, but I am not the type to sit around in my tub with my bath pillow eating bonbons and drinking wine as I use my laptop to peruse the "next big theatrical event" I will be attending (though that's probably because using your laptop in a tub is just asking for trouble). Nor do I have an ample supply of disposable income which I use on $20 to $40 theatre tickets. No. I am a poor broke artist who just wanted to know everything there was to know about my local theatre community and I figured out the cheapest way to do it.

So, dear friends, this is how you too can enjoy your theatre on a budget.

Are you a student? TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT! Both the National Arts Centre, the Great Canadian Theatre Company and Third Wall Theatre in Ottawa have rush tickets for students that go for something like $10 or $11 a piece if you purchase your tickets the day of the performance. Not ideal if it's a show like The Drowsy Chaperone, which sold out rather quickly, but trust me, there are a lot of performances in town that do not sell out and you would be more than happy to see your smiling face walking to the door for your rush ticket.

Of course, the tricky thing here is that most of these companies do not clearly advertise their rush ticket availabilities, which I can understand to a point. So how can you find out about them? Well, you could just call and ask. Then again, why would you do that when you have me?

I almost never took advantage of my student status when I had a valid student card and it still bothers me to this day. Think of all the great shows I missed... As an added bonus, the GCTC also has ADULT Rush Tickets for $20. No i.d. necessary, just show up after noon on any show day to get your discounted ticket.

Are You An Artist? Well, since this blog is loosely geared towards actors and other artists, I'm going to go with yes, you probably are. A lot of companies like the NAC, GCTC, Third Wall, Evolution Theatre offer artist rates. How do you prove you're an artist? Usually with your union card. That said, if you are not in any performers union, I believe they will all accept two contrasting monologues at the box office... but don't quote me on that.

Volunteer! Every theatre company in town needs volunteers and it does come with benefits. In most cases, volunteers actually get to see the show on the night of their shift. I know this is the case for Evolution Theatre and it sometimes works out for other companies like The Gladstone and A Company of Fools (unless they happen to need all their volunteers for a secret ice cream experiment...) I wanted to see the amazing Inclement Weather/Countries Shaped Like Stars again when it was presented at the GCTC, but couldn't afford the $20. I offered my services on opening night and boom! I got to fall in love all over again.

The added bonus of volunteering means you get to know the people involved with the production. Today's front of house volunteer may be tomorrow's performer... or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

Join Mailing Lists, Facebook Groups and watch Twitter Feeds How else will you know what shows are playing in town? (Other than the brilliantly up-to-date What’s On – À l’affiche listing by the Ottawa Theatre Network) Lots of theatre companies (perhaps taking a page from my book) run online contests and special promotions for their members. Vision Theatre, Evolution Theatre and Third Wall Theatre have all been known to do this. The Ottawa Fringe Festival ran a brilliant Friday Trivia contest on Twitter where you could win free tickets and other gift certificates. A Company of Fools also sends out a very informed newsletter every once in a while, so you probably want to sign up for that one too.

Pay Attention to Pay-What-You-Can! Every single company in town has a Pay-What-You-Can performance at some point in their run (and if they don't, they probably should). For instance, when I did Shining City with SevenThirty Productions, we had a PWYC matinee on the first Saturday in the run. During the summer, the Fools shows are by Pass The Hat donations. PWYC/PTH means whatever you can afford. Really, you have absolutely no excuse not to go. And how do you find out about the PWYC? See the point above this one.

Previews and Dress Rehearsals These shows are often free or cheap and take place before the official opening night. Sure you might not be getting a final polished performance, but when is a performance ever final? Besides, you're doing the theatre company a great service by being part of the test audience.

Know Somebody Finally, if not a single one of these suggestions works for you, call someone you know who might be involved with the production. (See, this is where all the networking you've been doing after attending performances is going to pay off.) Let whomever know that you can't afford to see their show but you really want to. Perhaps they will be able to offer you a comp or a discounted ticket. That said, only use this method if you really can't make it to the show otherwise. You do not want to abuse of this privilege! It's just not nice.

Or be friends with someone who happens to get a lot of invitations to shows (you know, like me). Typically these people get two free tickets to a performance and they might not have anyone to go with that night (because they happen to be single and can't meet anyone new because they spend all their time attending the theatre by themselves... ahem) I'm sure I they would be happy to have some company with which to discuss the performance post-show. Just make sure you buy me them a drink after. It's only fair.

....

What? This still isn't working for you? Alright. Fine. Here's my final solution: start your own theatre company, build it from the ground up over at least five years, somewhere in there start a blog, become a valued and indispensable part of your city's theatre scene, and watch the invitations pour in. It worked for me, but it's a lot of work. You might just want to pay the $10 instead.

I'll be seeing you at the theatre!

So You Want To Be An Indie Film Star

The call came in. Your audition was spectacular (or your friends just think you're awesome) and you've booked the gig. Ladies and gentlemen, you are going on set! But it's not just any film set! This? Is an independent movie!

Alright, so what can you expect when you are going to be working on an independent film? Well, there are no big budgets and you probably won't be meeting any celebrities once you get there. The crew will probably be small (maybe two guys with a camera and a boom mic?) and chances are the director is also the writer, the producer, the DOP, the camera operator, the wardrobe mistress, the craft services, and the person who drove you there (if you were even lucky enough to get a ride). Also, once your agent and the union get their pieces of the pie, fingers cross you might even have enough left for half your groceries this week. But we're not doing this for the money right? Right.

In all seriousness though, I'm at a point in my career where all I want is to work and this was a union shoot that gets me just one step closer to being a full member of ACTRA. Plus, it was for my friends.

Anyway, here are a few tips to help you make it through your independent film experience with your professionalism reinforced to such a degree that they will be begging to have you back for their next project. Remember, today's low-budget indie-film producer could be tomorrow's James Cameron... or maybe divorced to James Cameron.

Now, chances are your "wardrobe fitting" consisted of one phone call and maybe a request to "bring some pants". Do not be fooled by any kind of laissez-faire (that's French) attitude towards your outfit! Many years of on set experience has thought me that Murphy's Law is always in full effect. Only brought the clothes on your back? They will take one look at you and hate it. Brought a suitcase full of stuff? They will love what you have on.

That said, it is much better to ere on the side of caution. I have a small suitcase which I always fill with everything I need. That includes: 3 or 4 changes of clothing (depending on the part you will be playing, try and vary the styles and colours), a lint brush & Tide To Go pen, my own makeup & hair supplies (just in case there are no hair and makeup people present), a snack & a water bottle (in case they can't afford craft services), a book (being on set consists of a lot of "hurry up and wait") and, of course, the most important item: a positive attitude!

(Actually, I take that back. The most important thing, as your mother will tell you, is clean underwear. You have no idea where or in front of whom you might be changing your clothes. In the past, I've had to change behind dumpsters, in the back seat of a car, and in the middle of a crowded park. Trust me, you want to be wearing clean underwear - why I am assuming most of you don't wear clean underwear, I don't know - because you never know who might see it. Also, as you can see, the life of an actor is very glamorous.)

Corny, I know, but you'd be surprised how far a good attitude can take you. It's quite likely the people you are working for might be inexperienced, working on very little sleep and a bit stressed (Who am I kidding - a lot stressed), so you need to try and make things as easy as possible for them. That starts by not throwing any diva fits. You're also probably in for a long day so be patient with everyone.

The other thing you need to be prepared to do is repetition. And I'm not just talking lines here. I mean repeat every gesture you have just made at the same time every time. You see, the director/producer/camera guy might not know it now because he has got other things on his mind, but continuity is going to be incredibly important once he start editing. If you manage to repeat everything exactly the same way, you will give him a variety of shot options and make his life 20 times easier once he tries to put everything together. I once had a director/editor email me three months after a shoot to tell me how much he appreciates that I did all that repetition.

So be prepared, be professional, and be ready to have fun!

Now please excuse me as I geek out on pictures of myself in costume, on set for Gruppo Rubato's upcoming Airport Security. I had a blast and I can't wait for it to come out!

For a more behind the scenes look at that particular project, check out Kris Joseph's blog series here.

What A Week!

Things were off to a great start last Sunday with the closing performance of BASH'd: A Gay Rap Opera at the GCTC followed by a theatre audition for a company in town. Then I spent some time with a friend and watched Heath Ledger's last performance in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnasus, an odd little film in which I learned it's best not to make a deal with Tom Waits. I had taken the time on the prior Saturday to come in and complete the finishing touches on a big project I was involved with at the GCTC. Oddly enough, my boss also decided to come in that day. There really is nothing better than choosing to work overtime and having your boss catch you at it. It's just like How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, only I was really trying. I was then able to take Monday off without much fuss.

It only got better after that. I received a call from a friend. Apparently their non-union film project got approved for union status and would I happen to be available on Thursday for a shoot? (More on this in my next blog post.)

Needless to say, I was super excited to be on set again and even more so when I contacted my union's branch office and found out that I would be getting another apprentice credit for my work. When you start out with ACTRA (The Alliance of Canadian Cinema, Television and Radio Artists), you typically begin as an Apprentice Member and you need to collect 6 credits before you can become a Full Member. More details on being an Apprentice can be found here. In the past, only one low budget film could be used towards your six credits. The reasoning being, I guess, that anyone could go out and make their own low budget films and get all their credits. However times change and so do some rules and regulations. I am now only one credit away from Full Member status (and some kind of minimal health insurance coverage!)

Oh and my agent also contacted me to let me know that I would be auditioning for a feature film on the Friday. so who knows, maybe I'm not that far away from Full Member status after all...

Somehow, I managed to do all this while juggling 40 hours of work and the big audience development project we had going on over the weekend. Oh and Thursday was also payday! Gosh, I wish all my weeks could be like that, but right now I am just grateful that everything just came together so well.

Breathe Again

We're all born knowing how to breathe and how to use our full voice, but somewhere along the line, social conditioning and habits get in the way. Most people can get by, for the rest of their lives, with survival breathing and a quiet voice, but if you want to be an actor, you kind of have to go back and retrain yourself in those early ways. On Saturday, I had an incredible voice class with Julia Lenardon, a former voice teacher with the National Theatre School and now an independent voice and dialect coach. I was so blown away by this course that I've already signed up for her advanced class in February.

We started things off, after a quick intro and chat about the voice, with some breathing exercises. We laid on our backs on yoga mats for almost 3 hours and just breathed. Yup, 3 hours. And it was awesome!

Ok, not always awesome. Julia likes to call them "thresholds" but I hit what I like to call the Five Stages of Resistance. Here they are, in no particular order:

Bored/Numb: "How long are we going to be doing this? I can't feel my feet." Anger: "This is fucking stupid. Why am I doing this?" Panic: "Oh my God! I can't breathe! How can you expect me to just lay here and breathe?!?! My body hurts!" Tears: "My throat hurts too much. I can't do this." Giggles: "Hee! Hee! Hee! I think I need to pee."

All of this is your body's reaction to something new happening within it. My main problem area was my throat. It was painful and I wanted to stop. But really, what was I doing that was so terrible except breathe? When we finished the breathing exercises, we did some grounding work, some posture work and I learned the real reason behind my sore throat.

Put it this way: Take your hand and squeeze it tightly into a fist. Now imagine holding it there for a couple of years. After a while, you'd start to think this is how your hand is suppose to be since that's how it's always been. Then imagine that after all those years you tried to open your hand up again. There's bound to be some stiffness and pain. So much so that you'd be tempted to squeeze your hand shut again to make it go away. But your hand your hand is meant to be open...

In the second half of class, we got some one-on-one monologue coaching. After watching some incredible work from people with very little stage experience, but an incredible amount of heart, I went up with my tried and true Shakespeare.

After sharing my piece with the class, I was given some special activities to do. First, I was asked if I sung. I paused for a moment because I'm pretty self-conscious about my singing voice but then simply replied: "I want to sing."

Good answer, apparently.

I was told to do my monologue again, but this time to sing it in my biggest, boldest, diva-est operatic voice. Oh, and there would be props! Julia loves props. So quickly armed with a fluffy orange pillow (my shield), half a coat rack (my spear), and a sweater wrapped around my head (my viking helmet. or course), I wholeheartedly committed to belting my little heart out of Helena's How happy some o'er othersome can be. You'd think I was auditioning for The Fools or something.

That finished, no time to think, just go and do the monologue again normally. Boom! That's done, here! I want you to throw an item from this pile of junk on every end of a thought. No, that's no working. Hurry! Go run around the dressing rooms. Run, run, run! Faster! Use those legs! Quick, run again! Ok, now go! Grab the junk and throw!

And once that was all done, I did my piece one last time. I can honestly say it was probably the best I'd ever done it.

Crazy, I know and you may be wondering how the heck I would apply all this in, let's say, an audition situation, but I learned a lot that day. I realized that my true voice is deeper than what I normally go around with. I learned that I have a lot of power and that I don't need to push out and strain against my throat to be heard. And I especially learned that I have to stop thinking so much. I also took away some great breathing exercises to keep this momentum going and was told that I should recite lines out loud while running. This last one makes absolute sense to me and reminded me of a documentary I saw on Destiny's Child where they would sing while running on a treadmill to increase lung capacity.

When I told Julia that I was actually a runner she retorted with "But I bet you never really breathed while you were running, yeah?" Yeah, I totally believe that.

A big thank you to the fine folks at the Ottawa Little Theatre, as well as my friend Chantale for bringing Julia in. I can't wait to work with her again in February!

So You Need To Pay Your Bills

The bank wouldn't accept my mortgage payments in the form of artistic integrity. I tried, but they just kind of looked at me funny; this "What is artistic integrity?" kind of look before realizing it wasn't money and then having security guards beat me with clubs for having a bohemian on their premises. I may have made some of that up.

Being a full-time actor often feels virtually impossible. Gigs are few and far between and, let's be honest, you don't become an actor for the money (though you always keep faith that the money will one day be there). So you typically need a job to pay your bills and will still offer you the flexibility you need JUST IN CASE an audition pops up.

Back in October, I knew things were getting tough financially and so I started figuring out what I could do. I have a strong background in Marketing, Special Events, and Promotions, but I didn't feel like I had enough clout or contacts to try and push myself out there for contract work. I had applied for jobs through a temp agency because I still wanted the flexibility to do my performance work, but it wasn't enough. That's when I stumbled across the Metcalf Foundation.

I won't go into everything they do, but basically, the Foundation "will support the creation of internship opportunities for administrators, choreographers, composers, conductors, designers, directors, playwrights, and production staff. In this program, the Foundation is particularly interested in assisting individuals who have completed formal training and are in the early stages of their careers."

A quick bit of research and a few emails later and I found myself at the Great Canadian Theatre Company in Ottawa with a proposal. They applied on my behalf and by December we knew that they had received the funding from the Foundation. And so you're looking at (or more accurately now reading about) the new Marketing Associate for the GCTC.

My contract runs until June (which leaves me the rest of the summer for Fringe or Summer Stock Theatre) and I almost cried when I read my Letter or Agreement:

The Employer recognizes that the Intern is a working theatre professional, and that the Intern may negotiate time off to undertake select independant projects that contribute to the Intern's professional development.

This is exactly what I wanted! A day job that understands my artistic aspirations and actively encourages them. They do exist!

So what will I be doing at the GCTC? First up, I will be undertaking the instigation of a social media marketing plan for the company. In fact, I just finished setting up our Twitter account this morning. Please follow us @GCTCLive. This is a really great opportunity because I will gain credibility and experience as a social media strategist, which will allow me to help my own theatre company and follow up on my goal to teach this new wave to the general public (for crying out loud this guy charges over $1000 for his weekend workshop so why couldn't I?)

I'll also be doing some work in Outreach and Development, sectors I'm less familiar with, and will be learning a great deal about traditional marketing methods. (Won't it be nice to attend a media call where the media actually shows up?)

I was scared to come back to an office environment, but this place is just great. Stick around this blog if you'd like to find out more about what goes on behind the scenes of a major Canadian theatre company... that is if I haven't already set up a blog for them on their own site by then.

******************************************************* Sidebar (or an absolutely shameless plug):

Ok, so an internship isn't exactly the most lucrative of endeavors. In addition to my work for the GCTC, I've also picked up a bit of a part-time job. I am also a brand-spanking new Mary Kay rep. Yup, I sell makeup and skin care products now.

It makes sense. As an actor, my face is one of my biggest assets and so I need to take good care of it. Mary Kay offers quality products and the cost is similar to anything you'd find in a major department store. Plus, I just really like makeup and this is a job I can do whenever I am available.

So, dear readers, wouldn't you like to have a little spa pampering session for you and your friends? Or maybe you'd like to treat yourself to a little makeover? Just contact me (nancykenny.mk (at) gmail.com) and we can book a party at your place or mine. As the host, you also get lots of free stuff and there is absolutely no pressure to buy. Besides, this is great practice for me.

Or maybe you're just looking for a new lipstick? Or a gift for someone special? Check out my website and order online. If you spend over $50, you'll get a wonderful free gift from me. And if you live in Ottawa, I will personally deliver your purchase to your home or workplace.

Oh and gentlemen, skin care isn't just for the ladies, you know.

In the future, I'll probably be posting my reviews of certain products, but if you have any questions at the moment, please feel free to ask.

And if you're looking for some sort of home business for yourself, why not think about becoming a rep? I could help you with that too.

Besides, don't you want to see me in a pink Cadillac?

A New Post - Sorta

I know, I know! I promised this was going to be a New Year's Week Blogtacular with a post per day. Unfortunately, the new job, as well as life, have gotten in the way. It's well past midnight, I just got back from a most challenging, inspiring and beautiful acting class and I have to be at the GCTC for 9 a.m (BTW, you can start following them on Twitter now - @GCTCLive!). Too much is running through my head at the moment and I need the time for the words to sink in.

So in the meantime, I hope you will forgive if I cop out slightly tonight and send you back in time to September 3, 2009. Charge up the flux capacitor because Patty Griffin will tell you how I feel tonight.

Sweet dreams, my precious!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktpTyT1Wj_I&feature=related]

Goals for 2010

I don't like the term "Resolution". It sounds so final. I much prefer to go with goals. For some reason, I haven't really blogged about my yearly goals before (probably because I don't want to be reminded when I drop them sometime around February...) Here are a few things that I want to focus on throughout the year:

- Now some of you may already know this, but a few days before I left home for the holidays, my desktop computer had a minor explosion. After careful examination, I'm quite certain it's the power supply that blew, which is cool because it means my hard drives should be intact. Though at first I was pretty annoyed by this turn of events, I can't help but think it's really for the best. You see, my computer is in my room, facing my bed. It's always on and a constant source of background noise. Silence and stillness scare me. I think this may be a sign that I need to stop making so much noise and get used to sitting in the quiet for a little while. In addition, my second set of headphones has now died on me. I think I may take my time in replacing them, just so I pay more attention to the world around me when I'm out. (That said, if any computer people out there know if it's best to simply replace the power supply or get a new computer, please let me know! I will need to get this fixed eventually, just not right now.)

- I've also got my laptop. Unfortunately, I've gotten into a really nasty habit (even before my desktop broke down) of using my laptop on my bed. I'm finding it to be somewhat unhealthy. I'm on my computer all the time and yet I'm quite often distracted from my work by video games and online TV shows. I've decided that I won't be using my laptop in my room anymore and I'm reclaiming my dining room table (which will disappoint the cat, I'm sure). I'm also going to be scheduling specific time to work on stuff. It's time I stop multi-tasking and focus on just one thing at a time. If my trip to China taught me anything, it's that the world did not blow up when I was away from my computer for a week (not saying I'm going to be away from my computer for a week, but I'm going to be cutting back). My bed will now solely be used for sleeping, movie watching, and well, that other thing you do in bed... let's see if it's going to be a good year or not.

- Speaking of scheduling work time, I've decided to set aside three hours a week where I will do nothing but write plays. It's time I take responsibility for my writing and quit flaking out on it so much. Once I know my new work schedule (yes, I'm starting a new job this year, more on that in tomorrow's post!), my writing time will be fixed and nothing can interrupt it (except maybe an audition, in which case I must immediately reschedule said writing time).

- I'm going to complete a 5K race. I've been training for some time now and I am almost ready. If this goes well, I may upgrade to 10K before the year is over. I've also been looking into a Try a Tri (5K race, 10K bike ride, 200m swim) - this may or may not happen this year, but I'm working towards it. Note to self, get a bike.

- Oh and there's another kind of bike I really want to get my hands on. I'm being deliberately vague here because of certain people who might be reading. If you're curious, just ask me in private.

- I've got a new agent in Ottawa and I'm pretty thrilled about it. I'm hoping I know this is going to lead to bigger and better audition opportunities in 2010. That said, my agent handles Ottawa and Montreal so I'm still looking for someone to represent me in Toronto. My goal for 2010? Get a Toronto agent and be triple carded (ACTRA, Equity and UdA) by the end of the year.

- Keep taking classes and gain new skills. I love learning. I'm an eternal student and I don't plan on stopping this year. I'd like to pursue more classes in voice, movement, and clown this year, but I won't be limiting myself to just that. Perhaps some dancing might be in the cards?

- Travel more! Is it weird that I actually love living out of my suitcase and sleeping on other people's couches? I don't know if it's in the cards, but I'd love to do another big trip in 2010. I've got the bug! Perhaps this might finally be the year I visit Vancouver for the first time as well?

A couple goals I've had for years now but I've never truly acted on - we'll see if 2010 will be any different:

- I've had a violin for almost two years and I still don't know how to play it. This needs to change! If anyone has some links they could send me on learning the violin online (I know the NAC has something like that, but I can't seem to find it at the moment).

- Learn another language. My Spanish is very basic and I want it to get better.

- Get out of credit card debt. It's doable (and I'll talk about work a bit more tomorrow), but it just never seems to go away, does it?

I'm going to leave it at this for now. I'm curious to know what some of your goals might be for the New Year. Please feel free to post in the comment section and let me know!

Tequila Sunset, Porcelain Sunrise

Since I've actually got a lot on my mind that I want to hash out, I am now unofficially dubbing this New Year's Week Blogtacular. Stay tuned over the next couple of days as I endeavour to write a post a day. Everyone from news outlets to good friends have compiled a decade in review, which got me thinking about my own past. That said, I'm probably just going to gloss over a lot in the last ten years and put more emphasis on 2009 in another post since it was one heck of a year for me.

Y2K started off pretty piss poorly. I was back home in New Brunswick for the holidays after completing my first semester of my first year of university in Ottawa. I decided to celebrate at a friend's party with a mickey of tequila and a mini bottle of champagne. Possibly anticipating the end of the world, I drank the whole thing. I rang in the new century praying madly to the Porcelain God for him to make it all go away (hence the title of this post). I still can't drink (or smell) tequila without getting violently ill (as I discovered on my birthday in 2009 - but that's a story for another day). I believe 2000 was also the year I got cast in my first lead role in Beth Henley's Crimes of the Heart at the U of O, got elected to serve professionally on the university's student council, went home for the summer only to realize you really can't go home again, got cast in my second lead role (this time it was The Lark), dropped out of school for a semester so I could do both the play and my student council job... and most of this happened before I even turned 19... wow, I didn't realize the year 2000 was such a busy one!

By 2001, things had deteriorated on student council, my roommate and I weren't getting along and I overcompensated for it all by eating and drinking way to much. I almost got kicked off student council because of an incident involving my drinking (one that I am not proud of, but that is pretty darn funny ten years later - again, story for another day) and I swore of booze for the rest of the year. I ran for student council again, but lost. I was devastated but found solace in my first grownup relationship, which would last for close to 6 years.

I honestly can't really remember much of 2002, except that I mostly laid low, organized a few events, wasn't cast in anything, fell in and out of depression, and probably wasn't a really great person to be around at that time.

In 2003, after cheering wildly at a Gee Gee's game, I was spotted by the Promotions Officer for Sports Services who immediately offered me a job on her team. So began my introduction to the world of Marketing and Promotions. I kept up one of my earlier electoral promises (even though I hadn't won) to create the First Annual University of Ottawa Arts Week, which was picked up by Maclean's Magazine as one of their Best Bets for the 2004 campus edition. I also focused on my studies and managed to pump up my grade point average in my last year from a decent B to an A (though this would not really matter for my overall CGPA, unfortunately).

I graduated from the U of O in 2004 with a B.A. Honours in Theatre and a Concentration in Political Science, as well as an additional B.A. Concentration in Canadian Studies. Yes, I have two university degrees. I got my first full-time job out of school working for Sports Services and got my very first acting agent. I also started my first blog.

My contract at Sports Services ended in 2005 and was not renewed. I was hurt but decided maybe this was the right time to take the professional acting plunge. Unfortunately, I didn't do much more than community theatre and watch a lot of daytime reruns on TV. I had moved in with my boyfriend at this point and I was becoming incredibly lazy. Then I was approached by my friend Linda from school to audition for a play she was putting on with her boyfriend Chris. I didn't want to audition because I thought Chris hated me, but I did anyway because Linda insisted. I landed the part and, grosso modo, Evolution Theatre (frankly, all thanks to Linda!) was born. This was also the year that my amazing friend Claudia introduced me to Michele Lonsdale Smith and my life as an actor was shifting into completely new ground.

By 2006, I needed a job and did a brief stint at the Magnetic North Theatre Festival. Acting was still mostly community work, though I did land my first union credit for an internet video which you can still see here.

I became restless in almost every part of my life in 2007. I landed a full-time job working for the Canadian Museum of Civilization and the Canadian War Museum in their Marketing Department and wondered why I was so hurt that Sports Services didn't keep me on since this job was waaaaay better! I also got braces that year. I ended things with my boyfriend and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Then I went and bought my own house which has now become my oasis in this crazy world. I also wrote my first play which I produced for the Ottawa Fringe Festival.

In 2008, I fired my agent and found another since I was getting all my own work anyway. After getting cast in my first professional film and theatre gigs, I decided to leave the museum (after getting promoted, no less) for acting. The braces also came off during the summer and I caught my first show at the Stratford Theatre Festival: Caesar and Cleopatra, starring Christopher Plummer.

And this brings us to 2009 (blog post coming tomorrow!)

My Heart Grew Three Sizes That Day

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of attending an amazing workshop in Toronto with Barbara Deutsch. Barbara is a creative coach who helps artists break through certain blocks they might be experiencing with regards to their careers. This is exactly what I needed: I've taken lots of classes, I've created my own work and I'm constantly seeking out new opportunities, but when it comes to career advancement, I feel like I've hit a plateau. The class was fairly big, but Barbara is incredibly adept at making sure everyone's individual needs were met. She's intuitive and doesn't waste any time getting to the root of a problem if you are willing to listen.

The vibe in Toronto was really different from what I was used to in Ottawa. I felt it immediately when I walked in. Though the experience level varied (from recent theatre school grads to principals in film and TV roles) there was no doubt in my mind that all these people were are 'working actors' even if they weren't currently appearing in something. It was an intimidating sensation, at first, as I fell prey to the 'What the hell am I doing here?/I don't belong in this room' doubts. I sat in the front row (keener that I am to absorb as much knowledge as I can) but I didn't feel 'present'.

Then Barbara helped me solve a big personal block. I won't get into here, but the solution was a simple one: 'Make it about the other person.'

As an actor, I've heard this a million times before. When you're on stage, you're not working alone (even when doing a one person show, there's an audience involved) and it's important to listen to your scene partner and make it about them. I never clued in that this was something I could be doing in my everyday life. When I make it about the other person, I'm not worried about me anymore ('How's my hair?' 'Does this outfit make me look fat today?' 'OMG, they probably think I'm such a dork!' ect.) and I just relax.

I started using this little trick over the holidays and I can't believe the improvements I've seen in my attitude and my life in general. I'm a much happier person for it.

2010 is going to be a great one! New Year's Resolutions coming soon!

Back To Me - The Power of No

Dear Readers, it's been three weeks since my last confession blog post. And still, approximately 40 of you keep coming back every day to see what's new. I sincerely appreciate that. Over the last few weeks, everything's felt off (and it has not just been a case of show withdrawal either). I've been feeling lost, anxious and overwhelmed all at the same time, which created a big ball of resistance and self-pity that I knowingly indulged in. I stopped writing. I stopped doing the work I enjoy. I threw myself into the comforting and familiar embrace of depression combined with avoidance in pointless busy work.

Then, little by little, I came out of it by doing something that actually scares me: I started saying 'No'.

I've built that word up in my head to mean so much more than what it actually does. To me, I had (and still struggle with) the false belief that saying 'No' leads to closing doors, missed opportunities and (gasp!) having people be mad at me (and, subsequently, not like me). So, I say yes to everything that comes my way: every project, every work opportunity, everything even if I don't really feel like doing it. Then I get overwhelmed and resentful because I'm not doing what I want to do... and the cycle begins anew.

But this time, I'm doing something different. I'm saying no. For my own personal sanity and well-being, I'm saying no to stuff. I think the biggest no of all was to the Ottawa Fringe Festival. After three years of producing shows, I'm taking a break. In fact, I didn't even apply to the lottery. Now, this doesn't mean that my Roller Derby show is kaput or that I wouldn't perform in someone else's show if given the opportunity. It just means I'm taking some time off from producing and I'm going to wait until I have something more solid on paper before I rush head first into another deficit.

All in all, I need to take care of me.

So, in the past few days, I've allowed myself to be inspired by the people and the situations that surround me. I've summoned new people into my life who bring with them a positive and fresh energy and I've let go of others who weren't beneficial. And I've stopped to listen to the messages that come to all of us (whether you call it intuition, your gut, The Universe, your guides or TPTB) in all their forms.

The Universe has been good to me, like a parent who waits patiently while their child chases around Disneyland on a sugar high; not exactly preventing me from doing anything, but waiting until I exhausted myself with all my running around so that I could hear where I'll be going to next.

Though I am not certain where all this will take me, I do know that I am right where I need to be and what I need to do next. Everything else is gravy.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

The dreams have started. Of course everyone dreams all the time, but I only seem to remember them when I'm involved in some big project, like a show. Last night was a blocking dream. I wonder if other actors experience them? I have the distinct impression I've spent all night running through my show blocking for Shining City. I woke up fairly exhausted still.

The last couple of nights, I've been dreaming about death. Cheerful, I know. My death, other people's deaths, people I know mostly, though it varies. The only constant seems to be that they or I can't move on until they've accomplished something or let go of something.

Gee, I wonder what my subconscious is trying to tell me?

Shining City Promo/Reviews

More links will be added as they come in. Did you miss the interview I did with Richard Gélinas on CHUO 89.1? Well you are in luck. Here it is in full with host Mitchell Caplan on Click Here. It even includes a segment from the show. Check it out here! (It may take a while to get the link and you may have to sift through some ads, but it was the best I could do in finding a free server host for the very large file. If anyone has a better idea, I'm all ears!)

If you'd prefer to see our faces, then go visit our friends at Ottawa Tonite (a great new resource on local arts and entertainment!) and check out the rehearsal footage video created by Cheryl Gain, which also includes an interview with director John P Kelly.

(Cult)ure Magazine and the EMC News also have some great preview articles. (Apparently the print version of the EMC runs for a page and a half, has three photos and is on the cover - if anyone could get me a print copy, that's be grand!)

As if that wasn't enough, (Cult)ure Magazine also has a lovely review of the piece, which you can find here.

I also highly recommend you check out the glowing review the show got from Patrick Langston and the Ottawa Citizen. You may do so here.

Shining City

You've probably noticed, if you are a regular to this site, that I haven't been up to my usual blogging vigor this month. That's because the majority of my month was spent in rehearsals (and public relations work) for Shining City by Conor McPherson, produced by SevenThirty Productions in Ottawa. Well, tonight, live from the Arts Court Theatre, is opening night.

I'm incredibly proud of the work that I and the rest of the cast and crew have been doing on this production. I'm just trying to see tonight as another part of the process of creation. This will be the first time we have an audience and I find that prospect kind of scary. (You mean I have to act in front of... PEOPLE?!?) I hope that throughout the two week run you will all be able to come out and see it.

Details for the production can be found below. If you come out tonight, we will be holding a small party in the theatre lobby with food, drinks, and Irish music. Please stick around after the show to say hi and share a bevy. See you at the theatre!

Shining City by Conor McPherson Directed by John P Kelly Featuring Richard Gélinas, Tom Charlebois, Nancy Kenny & Garrett Quirk

Arts Court Theatre – 2 Daly Avenue – Ottawa, ON

November 17 to 28, 2009 – 8 p.m. Sat/Sun matinees - 2:30 p.m. (No show on Sunday & Monday night)

Tickets: $25 - $20 students/seniors/underemployed Pay-What-You-Can Matinee on Sunday, November 22nd

Box Office: 613-564-7240

Keep the Halloween chills going with the perfect November play!

Set in present-day Dublin, Shining City takes place in the disheveled office of Ian, a former priest turned therapist. Ian's latest patient, John, is in trouble. His wife has just died tragically... and he is visited more than once by her ghost. John is now terrified to return home, but Ian has his own troubles, including a new baby and a crumbling relationship.

"Literally lifted the hairs on my scalp." - London's Evening Standard McPherson is "the finest dramatist of his generation..." - London's Daily Telegraph

Asking For Flowers

This is a Public Service Announcement for anyone out there who might find themselves in the position of dating an actress. May whatever deity you worship protect you. I consider myself a strong, independent single woman. The majority of the time, I am perfectly fine with being on my own. Every once in a while, however, my over-Disneyfied childhood education rears its ugly cartoon head and, gosh darnit, I wish I was a princess... with a tiara and everything.

Opening night for a show I'm performing is one of those blatantly Cinderella moments for me. On opening, after weeks of hard work, there's nothing I would love more than to have some pretty flowers sent to me backstage by my 'Man of Mans' (TM by The Adorkable Thespian). To know that the one special person in my life is out there and routing for me... well, that just sounds so heartwarming. I think most actors feel this way (though they may not want flowers, perhaps it's chocolates or banana bread or a combination of the two).

I was with an absolutely lovely man for a very long time and, though he did give me flowers throughout our relationship, I never got any for a show. His mother sometimes got me show flowers, but it just wasn't the same.

Of course, I could have just told him that's what I'd like, but isn't asking for flowers just like asking you to be nice? (And to be clear, none of my past relationships have been anything like the ones in that song, I just think it's a nice turn of phrase.)

Then again, maybe it's just not that obvious of a thing. So, to any future 'Man of Mans' (or 'Woman of Womans, who knows?) out there who might do some stalkerish research before dating me (or any other actor), I like flowers. Purple lilacs are a personal fave, but you know, it's really the thought that counts. ;)

I Was Meant For The Stage...

... but I sure do miss those film sets. The last time I actually performed on a film set (and not just background work) was in August of 2008 for Death Rally.

Recently, a friend asked me to appear in a short she'd written. It's an MIP (Member Initiated Project). This means it's a type of co-op production for ACTRA members. I won't get any money or union credits for the work I do, but I'll be toning my film acting muscles and I'll also be working with pals. Oh, and I actually get to perform in French for once! I don't see anything wrong with that.

There's a certain vibe on a film set that makes it different from a stage production. On sets, at least the ones I've worked on, I always find there's this kind of hive mind going on. Some kind of uber sense of teamwork that comes from knowing you have a very limited and often intensely condensed time frame to work with.

Not to say stage work isn't intense, it's just different, often a touch more relaxed. Today at rehearsal, I wasn't happy with the work I was doing. I was promptly told not to worry about it because we still had two weeks to work out the kinks. And it's true, I do have some time, but if this was film? Forget it! Make it work now or forever hold your peace (or you know, pray you have a good editor).

Oh and film sets often have food. I like food.

Sealing the Deal

As previously mentioned, I am doing double-duty of acting and publicity for the upcoming production of Shining City by Conor McPherson for SevenThirty Productions. After speaking with the director at a production meeting, he made it clear to me that as publicist my job is to "let people know about the show, not sell tickets." I have to say that this is a bit of a change from my current perspective on arts marketing, which is that it's my job to put bums in seats.

Now, a part of me would love to have this weight taken off my shoulders. I'd love to just sit back, write a press release, create a facebook event and then wash my hands of the whole thing as I focus on my lines and character development.

How many people here believe that's what I will actually do?

*Cue tumbleweed*

The workaholic in me won't let me do that. The control freak in me won't let me do that. The go-getter in me won't let me do that. The financially desperate in me won't let me do that. The artist in me won't let me do that. I can't sit back and do nothing when I know there is something I can do. And do well.

So, I'm looking at group sales and program advertisement. I'm attending events and talking up the show. I'm looking at potential cross-promotion opportunities. My time line is very tight with opening night on November 17, but everything is automatic and second-nature. And I even have help. Our assistant director has also taken up the call to arms and is going far above and beyond the call of duty. He's doing most of our design work and I think we'll be tackling a flyer distribution this weekend.

If I don't do this, then whose job is it?

There is also a major difference with this show from all the promo work I've done in the past. I am in it. Sure, I can invite people to anything I'm doing publicity for, but if I'm not directly involved in the creation and presentation of a piece, why would my non-theatre friends come and see it?

I have over 800 friends on facebook; 70% of which, I am sure, live in the Ottawa area. There is no reason I shouldn't be able to get the majority of these people to see me in a play. Right? You'll come see me in a play, right?

*Cue tumbleweed* ???

(Am I basically saying that if you cast me in your show I can probably get about 500 people to see it/me? ... Uh, maybe. I'll let you know how that worked out on November 29th.)

In the meantime, I'm going to go work on my lines now so that you may have sometime worth seeing.

Ultimatums

I've never been a big fan of ultimatums. Not in relationships, in work or in life in general. They're just so... final. As you may know, I've been working on a one woman roller derby show that I would like to tour cross-country next year on the Canadian Fringe Festival Circuit. Applications to the majority of festivals is by lottery. To make touring a tad easier on the performer, an organization called the Canadian Association of Fringe Festivals holds their own lottery every fall for the chance to participate in every festival of your choosing. You may or may not get in, but if you do, your entire touring schedule is now secured for the summer, months ahead of most local lottery deadlines.

The only hick? You need to have the cash for every single festival you want to apply to upfront. In my case, a potential 7 city tour, that comes up to almost $5000. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't have that kind of money lying around (and if you do have that kind of money lying around, we should talk!). If I did, I wouldn't have been emptying out my cupboards of all canned goods since I've come back from China because my bills need paying and groceries seem to be a luxury at the moment.

So, I did the only thing a starving artist can do: I called my mom.

My mom was somewhat open to the idea. After all, I did get a grant from the City of Ottawa to write this piece. I talked to her about the lottery and how if I did not get in there would be no charges on her part. I would then apply individually to the various festivals and try my luck there. And of course she would be getting her money back by the end of the summer once my tour is done. However, my mom may have misunderstood my initial request. She seemed to think all I needed for the tour was $5000. After reviewing my budget plan, which brings expenses closer to the $20,000 mark, she did what all good moms would do. She kinda freaked.

And that's when the ultimatum reared it's ugly head. I've got until March to make this work. March is approximately when you can drop out of most festivals without incurring too much of a penalty.

I'm waiting to hear if I've received some grants that I've already applied for in December and there are new deadlines for other funding opportunities as well, but I'm scared. There is so much in this that involves chance and I've never really been that lucky before. This project means so much to me, but will it sell? Audiences across Canada are fickle. If I knew what they wanted, I'd be the greatest publicist on earth. But I don't know. All I can do is go about on blind faith (with a strong dash of hard work) and pray that it all pays off. My mother does not doubt that a Fringe tour would be a wonderful, soul-fulfilling experience. She just does not want me to go into a 5-digit debt load to accomplish that.

I guess there's no use in worrying about this right now. With my lotto luck, I may not get into a single festival next summer.

Extreme Method

A few months ago, I mentioned that I do work as a Standardized Patient. I've signed confidentiality agreements and so I can't talk about the specifics of cases, especially not in this blog. These are medical exams after all and, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to have a doctor who passed his exam because he cheated through regular readership on some chicky's acting blog. Oh, and I don't want to get sued. There's that too. That said, I am allowed to mention that I do the work in general. So far, I had always found SP work to be quite simple. Learn some case details, show up for training, show up for exam, listen to the candidate, improv a little when thrown a curve ball, eat some free food, done. Easy paycheck.

Yesterday though, things changed. I didn't realize I had a case that would be both tough on me physically and mentally until it started. Some details started hitting close to home and, during a break, I broke down a bit. When you put yourself into a position where you try to be as believable as possible with your "part" and you keep repeating the same issue over and over again, it's understandable that your mind and body might get a little confused. It starts to take a toll. (This actually got me thinking about Hugh Laurie and his current leg issues on House.) They do have spares that are available to replace us if something happens, but it was late in the day and the spare was already sent home. I did talk to the trainers/supervisors. They would have let me sit it out if I absolutely needed to, but I knew I would be leaving them in a bind. My actor survival instinct kind of kicked in at that moment. I splashed some water on my face, had a soda and a good stretch and then I jumped right back in. It was difficult, but I managed.

We were debriefed on the case post-exam and I know they will propose some changes, which might include an SP rotation and more frequent breaks. That said, the shadow of this case followed me home and haunted me for a good two to three hours later. I just couldn't shake it off. Finally, I did the one thing I realized always clears my head these days. I went for a run. I pumped my legs harder than I ever had before with angry music blaring in my ears. In the damp night air, the coolness on my face was invigorating and I started feeling like myself again.

Has this ever happened to anyone else? Have you ever had difficulty letting go of a part or a character? Am I just weird?