Inspiration

Raindrops on Roses

I've been avoiding the blog, dear readers. In fact for the past week I've avoided many things including the gym, bathing & sunlight until some decent progress was made on my script. Well, progress has been made (Huzzah!), but not enough for my liking (Boo-urns!). So, in the spirit of shaking off the writer's block blues, here's a list of things I wrote down that I happen to like in all it's random goodness:

Vests Argyle Argyle Vests Songs that remind me of specific people in (and sometimes no longer in) my life The "Your Mom's Face" comedy routine my TO roommates and I have developed MASTERED Cottage cheese and applesauce Hugs That sweet spot between a guy's neck and armpit where my head snuggles in perfectly (in some circles, I believe it's called a "shoulder") That moment when the lights fade inside a theatre before the show starts Talking "show business" Boots Hairdryers You know those guitars that are like, double guitars? Quoting the Simpsons (circa seasons 3 to let's say 9) Discovering new music That lightbulb moment when I realize I'm really good at something Dancing Confidence that walks the thin line between cocky and arrogant People who randomly offer to give me a lift somewhere Magic Superheroes When it rains and it's sunny AT THE SAME TIME Knee Socks Seeing my abdominal muscles How things always fall into place

What are some of your favourite things?

My Own Dam

The minute I read this post by my dear friend, Kris Joseph, I wanted to comment on it. The part that struck me the most was this one:

I’m not surprised that substance abuse is so prevalent in this line of work: this profession is bizarre. Our tools are our emotions; our product is catharsis (direct and indirect). Actors stir up mountainous levels of feeling as part of their daily work, and they have to climb off those mountains somehow. One terrific and easy way of making the descent every night is with a pint. And that’s what actors do.

Climbing down the mountain! What a beautiful metaphor. For years, I've tried to explain it and it's all right there. That's exactly what it feels like. It's also typically why I drink so much more when I'm working on a show. Gosh, on tour it was pretty much: flyer, show, drink, repeat.

But I held back from commenting because what I'd have to say would be so inherently personal, so confrontational of my own inner demons; who'd want to even read this shit? Well, seeing as how a cutesy post on my accidental dating life was the biggest draw of the past couple of months, apparently, many of you do. So that was the good, here is the ugly.

To be honest, I've never considered myself an alcoholic. I've gotten stupid drunk (and by that I mean I've done stupid, unsafe things while drunk - most of which you know of MOM so stop worrying please, I love you kthxbai) a few times, but I'd like to think that I can handle myself well. I grew up in a family where a drink after work was the norm and social drinking at family occasions was always such fun (some of my favorite memories include going out with my cousins or drinking wine with my godmother). I come from the East Coast, which means I also know how to pound back my fair share, often more than the average man or woman before it really affects me. Then again, there was a bit running joke at the GCTC that you just had to stir some ice cubes and I would come running like Pavlov's Dog, so who knows what other's perception might be?

All this to say, I love a good drink with friends as a way to unwind, and I'm not usually very discriminatory in my poison of choice.

Funny word to use there: poison. Because that's pretty much what I've been told it was today by my doctor. I've had digestive issues for years and, after a while, you just start to believe that that is just the way it always will be. But a doctor did some tests and I've been told I need to cut out yeast, wheat and keep the glutten to a minimum. This means, no more booze. For three weeks. When I have a show opening in less than a week...

I'm a grown-up and I know that I will be fine with this (especially since I was told that I would probably lose quite a bit of weight in the process, which let me tell you is an excellent motivator). Personally, I had already thought about cutting back for quite a few times now, but then someone would ask to go for drinks or offer me a beer or I'd have just a really hard day and my resolve went down with the cool crisp beverage that found its way into my hand. But I always wondered what I would do if I didn't have my "feel-good crutch" - how would I cope? You mean I'd just have to deal with my rage, my depression, my fears and, yes, even my joy without being able to numb any of it down? All on my own? Can I do that?

Well, I guess I'm about to find out.

Little Martyrs runs from February 9 to 19 at Arts Court - Ottawa Dance Directive, Studio A, 2 Daly Ave. Click here for more details.

Footprints in a Wonderful Life

Brace yourselves. I'm going to say something inherently controversial: I fucking hate It's a Wonderful Life.

It makes my blood boil and creates a completely irrational amount of anger in me. Yes, yes, I've seen the whole thing. I know all about the "hopeful" ending and isn't great how the angel finally got his wings? But, I. Don't. Care. Because George Bailey? Is a schmuck.

And yet, every year I still watch it like a fool who hopes that maybe this time the Titanic won't sink. I'll sit in front of the TV and yell things in the hopes he might actually hear me.

Ernie. Ernie! (Or maybe Bert? Who cares, you're interchangeable anyway.) DO NOT STOP THAT CAR! George. George! Keep driving George! DO NOT TURN AROUND! Those vultures are going to bleed you DRY! And you're never going to travel the world! Keep going, George! RUN AWAY!

But he never listens. And I sit there fuming. Every. Single. Year. (And the folks at the Gladstone should be happy I saw the movie before the stage show and got all my yelling out then.)

Finally, today, I realized what it was that irked me so much about this film and has it sticking with me long after the holiday season has ended. You see, George gets to *SPOILER ALERT* see what life would be like if he hadn't been in it. My self-destructive, nihilistic side HATES that, because it means that not only does everyone matter, but that I matter. That I also have an effect on those around me and, well, then I have no excuse to bitch about my life, because, dag nabbit! It's a wonderful life!

Though we can't all have a real live angel pop up and whisk us away to the land of never been born, we can get metaphorical angels giving us little reminders every once in a while. My first recorded memory of such an incident happened in during my University days.

Every year, I was a Frosh Guide and people loved having me on their team because I was, to put it mildly, rather enthusiastic.

YES YES, YES WE DO! WE GOT SPIRIT, HOW 'BOUT YOU?

To give you an idea of the level of spirit I had, after barely a year at school, I ran for a VP position on the U of O's student council - basically the highest level of student councilness you can achieve - and my opponent once publicly tried to slander me as "VP Cheerleader - All pep and no substance."

He lost. Suck on my pride, asshole.

Anyway, every year I was a Frosh Guide and every year a handful of students would approach me to say that they got involved in student life because of me. There's a certain amount of joy and shock that comes in moments like that. In the sense that I can't believe something that seemed so small, so second nature to me, something that I would have done anyway, inspired someone else to do something.

A footprint.

Today, an angel let me know that something I had said to them in passing, something that I do not even remember saying a few years ago, struck a chord and made them reexamine a part of themselves. And part of this conversation even ended up in a performance piece they are working on. That moved me on a level that I couldn't even begin to describe.

Today, I was reminded why I love people and this art form so much. Because it's a chain reaction. It's all relative, it's all connected, it all matters. We all matter. And yes, I matter too.

Maybe I should cut George Bailey a little more slack.

A World of Possibilities

If I didn't have to take care of the kids, I'd do it. If it wasn't for my job, nothing would stop me. If I didn't have a significant other, I'd go. If... If... If...

What happens when every obstacle to risk, every barrier gets removed? What are you left with?

Choice. The opportunity to do anything, absolutely anything you could possibly want to do. Anything. People kill for that kind of freedom.

The papers are signed. A stranger is moving into my condo for an entire year. I have no home, no attachments, no real responsibilities. I have a pocketful of change and a shiny blue suitcase. And most of all, I have a staggering amount of choices.

Living the dream, right?

I won't lie. I'm scared. Sometimes, the more choice I seem to have, the more paralyzed I feel. I think too much. I create lists and analyze them in my head. This city or that one? Who do I move in with? Strangers or friends? When can I go pick up Winston? It's started to affect me, even though I pretend that it doesn't. I have trouble sleeping and my digestion is a mess. I'm frustrated, distracted, tired. And worst of all, I'm dragging all this muck into rehearsal with me. I become a bad actor is some twisted game of self-sabotage. You know, because if I suck well then I can't be disappointed if things don't work out.

And all because I have a wonderful blessing that people all over the world strive for: choice.

Nancy, Nancy, Nancy. What am I going to do with you?

Where Do I Go From Here?

I've had multiple, unrelated instances in the past week where people have said to me: "2011 is going to be your year. I can just feel it!" I'd respond by either blushing or laughing that big hearty surprised laugh like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman when Richard Gere snaps the jewelry box on her fingers. I react this way partly because I don't want to believe it to better avoid disappointment when it doesn't happen... but isn't that setting the deck up against myself before the year's even begun?

Because you know what? I feel it too. There's a change in the air. And I think that's why I was mostly sad on New Year's Eve. It felt like the time you finally take your stuffed animals off your bed because you know you're a big girl now (which I eventually did... at 27 *ahem*). Or like a kid who knows there is no Santa Claus, but still watches her friends' faces light up as they put out the milk and cookies.

For me, it's not so much about growing up, as it is about growing in. Finally being ready to grow into who I am truly meant to be. And that's scary, and sad, and exciting, all at the same time.

Whereas, if I had to give it a theme, I'd say 2010 was about Travel and Discovery, I think 2011 will be the year of Growth and Adventure.

So without further ado, just a few things I would like to see happen in 2011.

- Get out of credit card debt: it was a goal I was "hoping" to get around to last year, but hoping really isn't worth a damn without action. As of December 1st, I began tracking every. single. expense. To see where my money has been going and how to stay on track. I was inspired after watching a marathon viewing of Til Debt Do Us Partwith Gail Vaz-Oxlade. When it comes to money, I really love to have blinders on, to believe that everything will just "work out" on its own. Oh yeah, sure it will, in about 21 years if I stopped using my credit card and made only the required minimum payments. And for what? A couple dinners and some train tickets? No thank you!

So, I've been making changes. And if you would like to help me accomplish this goal, please let your friends know that my condo is still currently up for rent.

- Run a 10K Race & start prepping for a Try a Tri: I did 5 last year and I am almost ready for a 10. A challenge that I would like to take on now is swimming, since both my place and my gym in Toronto have a pool.

- Get into fighting shape: Actors have to put down height and weight on their resumes. Since everybody's weight always fluctuates, it's the only area where it's ok to fudge the info a little. I am currently waaaaaaay off. The thing is, I carry the extra weight really well. So well, that if you tried to guess my weight, to my agent's relief I'm sure, you would be wrong and probably much closer to what I put down on my resume. But that doesn't mean I like it. And just like getting out of debt and running a race, getting into shape requires a plan. Fortunately, thanks to an awesome gym rat friend, I've got a step-by-step guide to get me back down to resume weight, including things to do every single day. For my Roller Derby show, I want to wear a midriff top and when I do, there WILL be Visible Abdominal Definition! (or VAD for short)

- Work more in French: it's my mother tongue and I have never performed in a professional play or film in French (industrials don't count). I also want to get the rest of my UdA credits in order to be a full member of all three performer unions in Canada.

- Work in front of the cameras: As much as I enjoy doing stand-in work, and as much as am I happy to have done a lot of industrial/promotional videos, now I want to do stories. TV or film, it doesn't matter, I just want to be in front of the cameras telling a good story.

- Keep traveling: Last year, I wrote: "Is it weird that I actually love living out of my suitcase and sleeping on other people’s couches?" Not that there's anything wrong with people's couches, nor their generosity in letting me stay at their house, but how about a few hotel rooms here and there?

- Keep learning: this one never changes.

Though there are lots of other things that I would like to do and accomplish during the year, this is all I'm going to be putting down for now. There's a few things I'm just not ready to share yet since I'm still waiting to hear back from a few potential projects.

So there you have it, my goals for 2011. Now, if you'll excuse me, after wasting away the first two days of the year in my very comfortable bed, it's time for me to get back into gear. First stop, the gym and then the grocery store. But while I'm gone, feel free to let me know what your goals for the year might be!

Reflections on 2010

2010 has come and gone and here I am alone in my condo reflecting on the time that has gone by with the Simpsons/Family Guy marathon that seems to be continuously  on Global on Saturday afternoons playing in the background. January 2010 was a pretty dark time for me. After months of no work, I was starting a new job at the Great Canadian Theatre Company and feeling completely overwhelmed by it all. My finances were a mess, my heart was broken, I was experiencing panic attacks... I was feeling utterly and completely lost.

And then someone very special walked into my life. Our time together was brief, but also incredibly illuminating. His lust for life was contagious and, as he disappeared back into whatever magic vortex he came from, he left me with a very simple: "Hey, life is awesome."

I'm very grateful to this person because my entire attitude changed after our encounter and every risk, every move, every dream I've dared to pursue to its fullest this past year can be directly traced back to the impact he had on me.

After that, things began to change almost immediately and 2010 was a very good year.

I had more professional acting gigs than ever before. It started out with this fun little number: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBDXhhuEfDA&feature=related]

There was not one, but two jobs as a stand-in where I got to work alongside people like Adam Beach, Elisabeth Shue and Jennifer Lawrence; a school tour with A Company of Fools (which I may very well be reprising in 2011) that lead to a one-off in Montreal and at the Lumiere Festival; a seven or eight week contract in Morrisburg at the Upper Canada Playhouse and a Fringe Festival run in Ottawa and Calgary; a workshop for Evolution Theatre's Little Martyrs as well as a reading of We Won't Pay! We Won't Pay! for our five year anniversary party; a voice-over contract in French for a birth control website; and a bilingual gig at the Upper Canada Village.

All of this led to accomplishing two of my goals for the year: I became a full union member of ACTRA and CAEA (and got a few more credits towards my full UdA status) and found an agent to represent me in the Toronto market.

And if you're looking at that pseudo goal list I created at this time last year, my laptop died and I moved myself into the wonderful world of the MacBook Pro. I didn't schedule time to write, but I did finish a first draft of my Roller Derby script. I completed a 5K Race and I'm now working towards being able to run a 10K. I took a bunch of incredible acting classes in order to keep training with more consistency and, as many of you know, I traveled a whole heck of a lot.

As for my marketing work, I was at the GCTC where, among other things, I implemented a social media marketing policy and gave my first workshop on the subject to the staff. Since they're still going strong in this area now that I'm gone, I'd like to think I did pretty alright there. After giving a presentation under the banner Art as Business, Business as Art - my chosen topic being Branding the Artist - during the Ottawa Fringe Festival's brilliant Lunchtime Artist Series Ignite the Fringe event, I was approached by Odyssey Theatre to help them with their marketing and promotions for They All Do It. (Oh and I learned that I probably influenced at least one new blogger in town.) And I also ran a pretty successful publicity campaign for 'I', which took place at The Gladstone in November.

As I briefly mentioned above, my theatre company, Evolution Theatre, after a year of workshopping new shows, celebrated its five year anniversary, became a resident company of Arts Court and announced the two shows we will be producing in February and May of 2011 (which will be a whole other post in the ver near future).

And though I can't beat this guy, I saw over 75 stage productions - give or take a couple that I'm sure I'm forgetting.

Oh and I became an auntie and a godmother to the most adorable little boy in the world.

It wasn't all sunshine and lollipops though: my grandparents passed away; I kissed a lot of frogs, but didn't find any real princes; I got sick, tired and depressed more often than I cared for; I never knew where I would be sleeping next or how I might be able to pay for my next meal; and, sadly, until I've figured out a more permanent home for myself, I've had to leave my cat, Winston, with someone else.

But Winston is being well taken cared of, my life feels like an incredible adventure, I've discovered that I have wonderful and generous friends, and there was making out. All in all, 2010 was pretty gosh-darn amazing!

I can't wait to see what's going to happen in 2011.

Too Soon?

Ok, so it's over 10 p.m. (AST) on December 29th.  2010 is almost over. Almost. Would it be too soon for me to ring the victory bell? Because gawdammit, I SURVIVED!  Yes, I motherfrakking SURVIVED a year as a professional artist. I just exhaled. It's quite possible I've been holding that breath in for the past 12 months (which might also explain a lot).

As with last year, this is going to be my New Year's Week Blogtacular.  So stay tuned for all the gory details from 2010 and the predictions for 2011!

 

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...

*Ed. Note: Originally written on December 24th, but I just realized that it hadn't been posted until now. In the last couple of years, it's been hard for me to get into the Christmas Spirit.  I live alone, have no children, am mostly unemployed and without money, so while I'm not exactly a Grinch, I do tend fall into the Scrooge category. That said, I must have had my own visit with Marley or something this year because there's been a few things that have actually put me in the mood.

First up, let there be light(s): There's something about downtown Ottawa in December.  Seriously, why doesn't the city leave those on until March?  It would make February so much more bearable.  With all my travels back in forth to Toronto, it's made me realize how beautiful I find my adoptive home.  My favorite corner (insert your own punchline here) is that spot near the War Memorial where Rideau turns into Wellington.  There's such a mix of architecture and energy in that area.  Throw in some Christmas lights and boom!  It's magic.  Tied for first place in the magic department: the middle of Mackenzie King Bridge - a 360 degree view of City Hall, the NAC, Parliament and the new Congress Centre.  When I'm away, I miss this town so very very much.  Those of you who are constantly around don't know how lucky you have it.

Why YouTube is amazing: if there's one thing that always opens the door to those feelings of childlike Christmas cheer, it's the music.  But not just any Christmas music.  Growing up, we had two albums (yes vinyl!) that were always on constant rotation at my house during the Holidays.  One, was the Boney M Christmas Album.  When I was growing up, I had no idea this band had anything other than Christmas album (seriously, this was their sixth studio album?!?).

How can you not get in the mood when you hear this?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7-4GC828rM]

But just when you thought it couldn't get any better, IT DOES!  While initiating some friends to my Christmas childhood joy, I came across this gem from the Kenny and Dolly Christmas album.  Yup, this was the second album I grew up with.  And I never knew until this year that there were VIDEOS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0q1zbWqO2oU

We stayed up until 3 a.m. one night drinking beer, watching everything these two have ever done together and spending way too much time online trying to figure out if Kenny and Dolly ever "did it" (and if someone ever finds any info, please let me know! You'd totally help settle a bet.)

This night was probably one of my favorites this month. And speaking of friends...

When friends become family: as a roaming vagabond for the better part of three months, I am incredibly grateful for the love and support I've received.  From taking care of my cat to the number of people who have offered spare rooms, couches, meals and lifts to various destinations so that I'm not stuck lugging a suitcase through the snow... You all know who you are, but you might not know how much love I truly feel towards each and every one of you. This generosity deserves so much more than words could possibly express.  Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

But enough schmoopiness from me.  No matter what you celebrate this year, you go out there and find those little things that make it meaningful for you. Whether it be sparkly nights, warm hugs, or Dolly Parton in a spandex Ms. Santa suit, you enjoy it to its fullest, ya hear?

Lots of love,

Nancy

Ego

Yesterday was my last acting class of the month.  I did good work in that class.  But when the scene was over and I was asked by the instructor how it went, my ego took over.  The ego can go one of two ways: it can pump you up to irrational heights or, as in my case, it can beat you down to new lows. The ego tries to keep us safe.  In my case, by telling me I am a shitty actor, it's trying to make it easier on me to get a "regular job" and move back home.  You know, because if I'm not any good at this, then OF COURSE I should give it up.

So what do you do in this situation when that little voice inside your head just wants you to run away?

You do the opposite.  You do the thing that's scarier.  In my case, stand my ground.  Never give up, never surrender.

 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI5hi4c4y9k]

A Little Confession

I've never been to a live spoken word event before. Sure, I've seen videos online and that guy at the Olympics, but nothing live.  I don't know how that happened.  Every third blog post from Jessica Ruano or Nadine is about some spoken word thing or another, probably one they are participating in, and I always go see performances my friends are in.  And they talk about it with such passion that it sends shivers down my spine.  I know that kind of passion.

It should be right up my alley.

I used to write.  From my teenage years to early university, I wrote almost every day.  I filled notebooks with scribbles and poems, thoughts and ideas, heartache and heartbreak until every page was covered.  I always had pen and paper with me.  I preferred pencils but they always broke in my bag. And then I would take what I thought was good and meticulously edit and copy the "finished product" into my "clean" book; a pretty blue thing with golden sun, moon and stars on the cover.  It had a matching bookmark.

I have over half a dozen notebooks, which I recently rediscovered as I was moving out of my Ottawa home. But then I just stopped writing poetry.  Why? I don't know. Probably because I fell in love and was content.  Little passion comes out of contentment.

********************************************

Did you know Ottawa is home to the Canadian Festival of Spoken Word champions: Capital Slam & Urban Legends. The festival is happening in Ottawa this year.  I was actually asked to cover some of it for Ottawa Tonite but work was running late last night and I wasn't able to make it on time.  I regret that, but you shouldn't.  Click on the CFSW website and find out what's still going on and where.  This logistically impressive festival (seriously, who organized this thing with all these venues? I'm very impressed if this is working out) runs until Saturday night.  Then click on the Ottawa Tonite link & read up on some of the awe-inspiring coverage of the festival.

I'm not sure I'm going to get to see anything at this point, but I really hope that one day, soon, I will learn to stop resisting and embrace the Slam.

The Colour of Uncertainty - A Ramble

No one knows what happens next.  No one knows really where they will be 5 years from now, next year, next month, next week, tomorrow, 5 minutes from now...  But most people have something they can technically hold on to: a job, school, a partner...  something they can count on for next little while. I don't have any of that.

Class is done and I'm back in Ottawa.  For how long, I don't know. I've spent a long night on the bus and slept very little before going to do a short standardized patient gig.  But class was good.  Better than good.  I feel like I've grown as an artist, I feel better about upcoming auditions... you know, if there were any.  But I still have to be available for when there are...

I thought I would be working tonight, but the job got canceled. More uncertainty. More instability.

I've made a to do list.  I need money. And my iPhone back.  Sometimes I think obstacles get in the way because it's the Universe's way of asking: "Do you really want this? Do you? Are you suuuuuuuure? Ok, keep going then. And watch out for that tree."

Living the life you want can be hard. Many people won't support it or you.  You'll find yourself alone wondering why you can't just be happy doing what everyone else is doing.  You start to think you're crazy.  And you learn to make food out of variety of random things found in your cupboard, because eating fresh tonight is not a possibility.  It could be so easy to just settle into a full-time job.  So, so easy. I might do it again someday, who knows?

But you don't give up. You never give up. Because you want this so so very much. And you'd just hate yourself if you didn't try.

Confessions of a Scaredy Cat

The moment that I step outside / So many reasons / For me to run and hide.I can't do the little things I hold so dear / 'Cause it's all those little things / That I fear.

Little confession: I'm afraid.  Of pretty much everything.  I'm afraid of new things, of changes to my routine.  I'm afraid of being stuck in the same place forever.  I'm afraid when I go on trips: afraid that I forgot something, afraid that I might miss my train/plane/automobile, afraid that I might never come back, afraid there's no one to come back to.   I'm afraid when I drive.  I'm afraid when I get on the bus.  I'm afraid when I'm running down the street.  I'm afraid when I order food that I should have picked the other thing because this one might not be as good.  I'm afraid of new people because they might not like me.  I'm afraid of people I know because they might not like me anymore.

I'm afraid every single time I have to step out in front of people and perform.   Shows, auditions or even just a rehearsal: I am afraid.

I'm so afraid it makes me sick.  Literally sick.  I get stomach problems more frequently than I would care to admit.  I drink pink goop & chew on chalky tablets in the hopes of making it better, but pink goop and chalky tablets don't make the scare go away.

Some people wonder why I'm always so busy, how I manage to do it all and, now knowing how frightened I am, you probably wonder that too.

The thing is, it's because I'm afraid that I do so much.  If I didn't, I would probably still be in bed today, cowering and waiting for the world to end.    But after a while, that gets old.  And boring.  So I get up, chug back some pink goop, slap on a smile and I tell the fear: " Not today.  Not today."

Now, if you need me, I'll be in the bathroom.

Scratch One Off the Bucket List

I had a goal this year to run a 5K race.  Yesterday, thanks to the fine folks at the Hintonburg Community Association, I accomplished that goal by running in the Hintonburg Centennial 5K Run. I can't believe how long it took me to get to this point.  I have to send a big thank you to the lovely Nadine Thornhill who told me about the race and was a real inspiration in getting my ass in gear.  (If you haven't already, you should read her Triathlon story!)  Here's some of my tweets pre & post race, as well as my thoughts on how it went (which was better than I could have possibly imagined).

7:54 AM - My tummy is in knots. This is ridiculous.

8:01 AM - Great. I went to the wrong spot to pick up my kit. Sigh. At least I'm getting a warmup walk in.

8:10 AM - So I could use the porta-potty and leave my backpack unsupervised OR I could go to @GCTCLive...

8:20 AM - I'm official! http://tweetphoto.com/33458835

8:29 AM - Haven't seen @nadinethornhill yet. I bet she's wearing something cute and functional. (ed. note - She totally was! I covet her shorts... well, not the ones she was actually wearing.  I'd like a pair of my own.)

8:49 AM - Lots of ppl here. Apparently @Yasir_Naqvi is somewhere in the bunch. #Hintonburg 5K (ed. note - I didn't actually see him.)

8:52 AM - Some ppl have Gatorade. Should I have brought Gatorade? #clueless

8:56 AM - Oh hey, there's @PaulDewar! #Hintonburg 5K

8:57 AM - Starting in 4 min! Yay!

And we were off.  I tried to get my Nike+ program to work on my iPhone to track the race, but somehow it didn't work. Ah well.  I just let myself be absorbed in the bouncy sounds of Lady Gaga as I ran.  I had a brief chat with Nadine as we ran were I commented on how difficult it was to fight the impulse to bolt ahead with the rest of the pack.  Before we had hit the 1K mark, some crazy dudes were already on the way back.

My throat was already burning from the get-go and so I was grateful for the water station when we hit 1K.  I grabbed a cup as I ran and had a sip.  Then I noticed the people in front of me pour their water all over their heads.

"Yeah!" I thought.  "That's hardcore! Me too! Grrrrrrr. I'm a runner!"

But about a split second before the water came tumbling out of the cup, I suddenly remembered the headphones in my ears, which were connected to the precious, precious  iPhone on my arm... I pushed my hand further back, quickly throwing the water somewhere over my head, where most of it landed on my backside.

Well, the feeling wasn't entirely unpleasant in this heat.

I kept going, super excited, thinking I must be nearing the half-way mark now.  Then I noticed a sign: 2K.  What the...?  Ok, ok, no big deal.  Just keep going.  My lungs were already burning.  I noticed people coming back in the opposite direction.

"A-ha!" I though.  "Almost there!"

I'd round a corner and realize, nope, it's still going.  I figured I must be at the 4K point by now.  There was no way this was still going to go on much further.   Then there was another sign: 3K.

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

How long is 5K anyway?

The volunteers along the course were an absolute blessing.  Every time I started feeling like it was over they'd start clapping and cheering and I'd just push through.  I made it to the second water station (probably at the 4K mark though I didn't see a sign).  I tried to drink some water as I ran, but I started chocking.  I pulled my headphones out with one hand and tried to pour it all over my head, but in my hurry I just threw it right in my face.

Is it possible to drown on dry land?

Nadine was approaching the water station and she started to cheer me on when she saw me.  Ok, just keep going.

I tried to keep up the same pace I normally did when I ran, though with all those other people around, I'm guessing I may have been going slightly faster.  Closing in on Parkdale, the volunteers started screaming that I was almost there.  I rounded the corner and I could see the finish line.  It looked so far away!  Thinking back on every movie I'd ever seen about people doing a race, I patched into whatever energy reserves I had left and picked up even more speed.  I could see the timer.  It had just hit the 30 minute mark.

But, that's not possible!  There must be some mistake.  I figured I would be lucky if I could finish the race in 35 minutes, but 30?  I pushed even harder.  I'm not sure what my end time was exactly, but I know it was around the 30:30 mark.

9:33 AM - OMGI I DID IT! Hoped to finish in 35 min, but finished in under 31!!!

So, I did it! I ran my first 5K race in an approximate time of 30 minutes and 30 seconds.  And now?  I'm totally hooked on running. It was an absolutely amazing experience and I already can't wait to do it again, though I'm having trouble finding another race in Ottawa.

Future goals now include running a 5K in under 30 minutes (so totally doable!) and prepping for a 10K.   Really, after accomplishing this, it feels like there's nothing I can't do.

Hysteric

By the Yeah Yeah Yeahs No longer, no longer What you ask Strange steps Heels turn black The cinders, the cinders They light the path Of these strange steps Take us back, take us back

Flow sweetly, hang heavy You suddenly complete me You suddenly complete me

Flow sweetly, hang heavy You suddenly complete me You suddenly complete me

No wonder, no wonder Other half Strange steps Heels turn black The cinders, they splinter And light the path Of these strange steps Trace us back, trace us back

Flow sweetly, hang heavy You suddenly complete me You suddenly complete me

Flow sweetly, hang heavy You suddenly complete me You suddenly complete me

Hysteric, hysteric Hysteric, hysteric Hysteric, hysteric Hysteric, hysteric Hysterical

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqKjIquR5Bc]

The First Day of School (Part 1)

I couldn't sleep last night because I was so excited. It was almost 1 a.m. by the time my eyes finally shut. I had set my alarm for six. I had set two of them actually, but I wouldn't need either. At 4:50 a.m., I noticed the first few rays of light creeping through my window. Wait. If I just noticed that then... yup, there goes the incessant meowing.

"The suns out, meow. I'm hungry, meow. Come on, meow. Get out of bed, meow. FEED MEEEEEEE!"

Of course you're hungry. You're always hungry. It's something we have in common. But we've talked about this. Not before five. Please.

I roll over and see if I can ignore Winston for another 10 minutes or so. He knows what I'm doing so he pulls out the big guns: he starts licking a plastic bag. He knows how much that irks me, but I leave it one out for him out of guilt. He has so few things to do in this apartment. If licking a bag brings him joy, who am I to take that away?

I get up and feed him and go back to snoozing. It's almost six. The little lazy voice in my head tries to tell me I could sleep longer if I didn't go for a run, but I don't listen. I put on my gear, eat a piece of toast and I'm out the door before the radio turns itself on.

Perfect running weather at this time in the morning. It's glorious.

I get back and get ready. I put on the outfit I picked out three days ago because I am that much of a nerd. I get on the bus and pick up my Vrtucar behind the Bridgehead near work. I grab a coffee - decaf because I'm still off the caffeine, but love the taste. As I try and unlock the car door, I spill coffee all over my pretty dress.

It's a sign.

The Universe is saying "Chill out. It's not like you're about to do brain surgery. Oh, and by the way, remember how you always carry that Tide To-Go pen in your bag? You're welcome."

I get in the car and I'm off to Morrisburg. I'm taking a route I've never used before. I'm super giddy. Everything is perfect. Even the radio is playing everything I need to hear.

The windows are rolled down. I'm car dancing to Kardinal Offishall when suddenly I smell it. Is that...

Oh my God! WATER!

This picture doesn't do it justice. It's so green right now. And the sun was making everything sparkle.

The biggest, most impressive bridge I've ever seen in my entire life. It's so long I wonder how it could possibly be man-made. And all around it, the Saint Lawrence River. It's all so beautiful, I can't believe I never knew this was here. I can't believe I'm actually here.

A short time later, I arrive at Upper Canada Playhouse.

It's Been A While...

... since my last blog post. 9 days. That's a while for me. I just haven't been in a good head and body space lately. I've talked about show withdrawal twice before. With the Fools show now closed, it hit me so much harder and longer than before that I figured it couldn't possibly be at the root of the issue. But looking back, I think it may very well have been. When you go from playing all day, everyday to sitting in an office, no matter how great that office job might be, you're going to get blue.

I got more than blue though. Only recently did someone point out that I was being downright nasty to myself. Not cool. Since then, I've been making a lot of positive changes and feeling better.

I'm trying to eat better and I've gotten back into my running routine.

I've also started rehearsals for the Calgary Fringe (with a potential stopover in Edmonton) and I'm excited to be starting rehearsals in Morrisburg on Tuesday for The Amorous Ambassador at the Upper Canada Playhouse.

My show in Morrisburg runs from June 10th to July 4th and we do 8 performances a week (Tues to Sat night & matiness on Wed, Sat & Sun). For those of you who know your Fringe dates, you realize that this means I am not doing a show at the Ottawa Fringe, nor will I be able to beat last year's record viewing of 35 shows (while using an additional 6 time slots to perform in one of my own) throughout the festival.

However, don't count me down and out just yet. I'll be billeting someone and plan on being at the beer tent every night after the show.

Oh... and you may want to keep Sunday, June 20th at 11 pm free for a specific Ottawa Fringe Festival show. Just saying. More details on that soon!

The Nicest Thing

By Kate Nash

All I know is that you're so nice You're the nicest thing I've seen I wish that we could give it a go See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out But you'd always wanna know what I was about I wish you'd hold my hand When I was upset I wish you'd never forget The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot That you loved secretly 'Cause it was on a hidden bit That nobody else could see Basically, I wish that you loved me I wish that you needed me I wish that you knew when I said two sugars Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake I wish that without me you couldn't eat I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen And I wish that we could see if we could be something Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41R1jN26b4I]

Wake Up Exhausted

By Tegan and Sara I wake up exhausted, it's not morning, It's back to sleep to re-dream me. We're alone and we're happy But there you are, angry with me. Are you alright? I can stand up straight. Are you alright? Can you get me off your mind? I hated this city before you came here, So let go and move on, We're strangers, we're not friends. I hate this and I hate them. This city's exhausted and it's wound up, Soon to be a place that's just filled up, And I found out that you're angry And you're sorry you ever met me. Are you alright? I can stand up straight. Are you alright? Can you get me off your mind? I am alright, I can stand up straight. I am alright, I can get you off my mind. Are you alright? Can you get me off your mind?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba_2wdte0Ww]

Save Me

By Aimee Mann

You look like a perfect fit For a girl in need of a tourniquet

But can you save me Come on and save me If you could save me From the ranks of the freaks Who suspect they could never love anyone

'Cause I can tell You know what it's like The long farewell of the hunger strike

But can you save me Come on and save me If you could save me From the ranks of the freaks Who suspect they could never love anyone

You struck me dumb like radium Like Peter Pan or Superman

You will come to save me C'mon and save me If you could save me From the ranks of the freaks Who suspect they could never love anyone 'Cept the freaks Who suspect they could never love anyone But the freaks Who suspect they could never love anyone

C'mon and save me Why don't you save me If you could save me From the ranks of the freaks Who suspect they could never love anyone

Except the freaks Who suspect they could never love anyone Except the freaks who could never love anyone

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNbTC6xLVg0]