You told me you were good at running awayDomestic life, it never suited you like a suitcase
- Dead Sea, The Lumineers
It's been over 4 months since I last was in Ottawa. And almost 5 years since I lived in my own home.
About 7 years ago, with the help of my mom, while I was still gainfully employed by the Canadian Museum of Civilization (and no I'm not going to call it by that other name), I bought a condo. About a year later, I quit my job and began my journey as an artrepreneur. The thing is, the starting salaries for both artists and entrepreneurs are really not as high as you might expect them to be. Unable to pay for my mortgage, but unwilling to sell because we would make no gains from it, I started renting it out fully-furnished. And I hit the road. The rest, as they say, is history - or a few years worth of blog posts.
I've been lucky. Throughout all this time, I've only had 2 tenants and they have more or less keep the place in great condition.
I've always wondered what it would be like to be back, to be in my "stuff". At the moment, it feels kind of unsettling. Now that the place is clean, I've been avoiding unpacking. I know what life feels like in a suitcase. There's freedom in that. But closet space? Shelves? What do you do with that?
Maybe that's why I'm taking the first opportunity I can to jump on a train to Toronto. Yes, yes, I'm going to see Morro & Jasp, as well as Kat Sandler's new show, so can you blame me? But deep down, I know it's because I'm scared of settling down somewhere. I have no idea what I'll be doing as of July, so a small part of me says I just shouldn't bother. Thing is, I've spent years realizing that there is usually something very cool on the other side of that fear. So maybe, just maybe, it's time to unpack my bags.