Dear Sleep, I know we haven't been on the best of terms lately and, although I think most of the blame lies with your commitment issues, I am willing to be the bigger person here by putting all that behind us. I think the root of our conflict lies in the fact that you are a big fucking tease. You just come in at all hours of the day or night, you make me all happy to see you, and then, instead of sticking around for some cuddle time like we used to, you just up and leave. What is up with that? I'm all for a booty call every once in a while, but let's have some moderation please! What happened to us? It was China, wasn't it?

Listen, I've got a pretty big day tomorrow filled with a lot of running around. I know, I know, when do I not have a day filled with running around? But this one is different. You see, I've got this event I've kinda organized and it's a bit of a big deal. It involves diplomats. You really wouldn't want to be blamed for some kind of international incident, would you sleep?

Also, please, don't decide to show up all of a sudden at my big event either. You know I'm powerless to resist you. If you're there with me, other people might think you are an appropriate guest to bring to the theatre.

I know I sound harsh, but it's just that I miss you so much, you know, and it's driving me a little crazy. It's just not the same without you around anymore. So how about we try and work things out tonight? I've cleaned the sheets and everything.

What do you say?

Love,

Insomnia in Ottawa