...in with the New?

Gah! I looked up what I had written down as New Year's Resolutions from last year and I only accomplished one (ONE!) of them.  And by one, I mean I half-assed two of them to give me a grand total of one.  The two: 1) I did lose weight, though it wasn't through some exercise plan but through a wheat and yeast intolerance (and I'm reminded that I did not end up wearing a midriff in Roller Derby Saved My Soul - mostly because I had no costume budget and just used one of my t-shirts instead) and 2) I worked in front of cameras, but only on student films. I didn't get out of debt, in fact I got more into it. I stopped running. I stopped working out. I didn't work professionally in French, though I did finish a translation into French at the eleventh hour.  I didn't travel.  Oh alright, I did learn things, so make that two resolutions accomplished.

But damn...  Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans, I guess.

The sad things is, I don't even know what I would like to see happen in 2012. I have vague notions, but nothing concrete.  Then again, maybe that's a good thing? I seem to have trouble sticking to a plan.  I think I need to sit down with someone to help me outline what I would like to accomplish this year.  Someone who will force me to be more specific and break my goals down into small manageable portions.

Any takers?

Out with the Old...

Typically, I take the time between the end of December and the beginning of January to recap the past year and look forward to the one ahead.  I wasn't going to do that this time because I had told myself that 2011 was such a shitty year so why bother?  But when I actually started thinking about it, I realized that I, in fact, was the one who was full of shit.  After all, 2011 was the year of Roller Derby Saved My Soul (That was just a few months ago? It feels like ten years!) - when I finally completed my successful one-woman show to great critical and audience acclaim; the year of Little Martyrs - a show that was named by one illustrious blogger as his favorite of the year; the year of translating my first play into French; of being cast in 6 student films in two and a half months; of working at the Great Canadian Theatre Company; of lots of acting classes; of being home for a family reunion in June; oh and 2011 was also the year of my own Grand Dérangement to that Big Smoke south of Ottawa... waaaaaaaay south.  And that one came with a spunky Nfld roommate who could give Elaine Benes a run for her money with her kitchen dance moves. And yes, there was heartbreak and heartache and douchebags a plenty, but 2011 was not a shitty year by any stretch of the imagination, just a challenging one.  A great Christmas card I got reminded me that you have to pull out the old weeds to make room for new growth, so here's to 2012 - do you have your gardening hat on?

Where the Heart Is

I'm not really good at change.  Understatement of the century from the girl who dragged out the world's longest move in all of moving history. Hyperbole intended. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that in order to grow and get all the good things I want out of life change is necessary, but that doesn't mean I am comfortable with it.  Settling down in Toronto, navigating the city, finding a new job, working myself to exhaustion (ok, that last one is nothing new) has all taken a toll.  I'm therefore very lucky and grateful to have such an amazing roommate to help me through this.

We have a great, big place downtown-ish on the subway line with an ahhhh-mazing view of the city skyline.  Though I keep pretty busy, I cherish the moments when I get to come home because I find it so restful; a feeling I haven't experienced in pretty much a year (#HoboKenny).  This place is mine! Mine I tell you! MINE!  And I can't even begin to tell you how kickass my roommate is.  We love hanging out together.  We eat meals together and catch up on our day.  We split on groceries and house chores without keeping track of it all because it all evens out in the end anyway.  We take turns wearing the pants and fighting the evil neighbour cockroaches.  As fellow performers, we help each other with auditions and self-tapes. When I'm tired or had a shitty day, I go home and there's usually some chocolate and/or a marathon of Community (#6seasonsandamoviebitches!) waiting for me.  Oh and sometimes, there's even a random dance party up and down the hall.

So that's been pretty great.  If the opportunity ever presents itself?  I highly recommend you get yourself a spunky Newfoundlander for a roommate.

Back to Blog

I won't lie. I miss you blog. The Big Smoke has been good to me. I have an amazing roommate, a great apartment, a job in the arts, take classes like they are going out of style, and I'm auditioning. Mostly for student films, but there's been quite a few commercials (with some callbacks to boot) and even a feature. I've been auditioning so much that I made a chart. Ever since moving to Toronto, I've had 26 auditions and the year ain't over yet. Compare that to Ottawa where I would be lucky to get one audition a month... well, though I miss my friends, the move really seems like a good idea these days.

Acting classes have also been great. This is the first time in a very long time that I have been studying steadily and it feels good. This past week I made the discovery that I panic as soon as I start my work. Stage fright, for lack of a better word. Sure, I always got scared before going on stage, but I just assumed that it was a normal part of the process and I was pretty much fine by the time the lights hit me... But no. In reality, my hands start shaking and I feel like this engine inside me is revving up before I finally shift gears and blow out of the gate. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to my panic mode.

I realize now that the panic has always been there, the difference now is that I know how to identify it. First you out the problem, then you correct it.

Let's see how that works out, shall we?